What he thinks she wants

They are gorgeous and I'm sure your mother looks at her set with googly eyes every time she cooks, but don't do it.

LE CREUSET POTS

They are gorgeous and I'm sure your mother looks at her set with googly eyes every time she cooks, but don't do it. If a woman wants pots let her buy her own. If we haven't convinced you, a large range is available from lecreuset.co.za

A MAKE-UP KIT

Make up is an arcane art and there is a strong likelihood you don't have enough training in it. Do you know the various types of concealer and what shades each of them come in? Are you familiar with primer, strobing and heavy-metal nudes? If not, leave this to the people who know what they're doing. If you're very brave these kits are available from makeup.vidalondon.net

A CD

Come on, its 2016 now. Try harder.

DECOR STUFF

Like the places they invariably send you to, homes are personal spaces. Decisions about said homes, if you live together, should be taken in consultation unless you want your gift to occupy a dusty corner in the garage in a few months. If you don't live together then you're imposing your wants on a person who may not like the idea of a stuffed bear with a silly hat in her living room.

SEX TOYS

Even if you hide them, kids find presents and then make Aunty Debbie open them in front of the whole family. Go and test drive the range at www.thebedroom.co.za

WHAT SHE REALLY WANTS

LUCKY FISH

Fill her stocking with a gift that puts stars in her eyes. Classy with a funky edge, Kirsten Goss jewellery is a sure hit - especially the pieces from the Lucky collection. Lucky Star diamond ring, R6090, kirstengoss.com

SILKY SMOOTH

What do you get when you mix the finest silk with beautiful contemporary art? A wearable artwork from L'Mad - a South African fashion brand that creates limited-edition collections promoting local artists and designers such as Michael McGarry. L'Mad 100% silk scarf, R1790. lmadcollection.com

RIDE OR DIE

While you may think she wants to be in the kitchen while you're finding yourself on a seven-hour ride, she's secretly dreaming of hitting the tarmac on the best bike money can buy. Specialised is as good at it gets, available from conceptcyclery.co.za

HEEL ME BABY

Despite what she says, there's not a woman on Earth who doesn't secretly covet the iconic red-soled Louboutin. Believe it or not, find a range on gumtree.co.za

BEST WHEN BUBBLY

It's pink, it's effervescent, it's French - need we say more? Available at all good bottle stores, about R650.