'Spur bully' is not indicative of who we are as a nation

The tragedies of South Africa are writ large and small, with the latest being that of the racist bully at a Spur restaurant.

The incident, in which an aggressive white man berates a black woman in front of children at the family eatery, has dominated the national conversation for days but, as is so often the case in moments like this, the real sadness of it is lost in the noise.

The tragedy is that this case is presented as further evidence of how polarised our society is, but how true is that really?

No right-thinking person could argue that the "Spur bully" is indicative of South Africa's mainstream reality.

Our society would simply not function in any shape or form were this the case.

Across South Africa each day millions of us live together, work together and play together without hate-fuelled meltdowns.

Our society is far from perfect and there's no denying racism's shadow stains us, but should South Africa be defined by its extremes like the "Spur bully" or Penny Sparrow or Jon Qwelane's homophobic writings?

A recent study by the Institute of Race Relations asserts that 72% of South Africans reported no personal experience of racism in their daily lives.

Depending where you sit, you might nod in agreement or laugh out loud - like if you are a former Miss South Africa being called a "monkey" in a road rage incident.

Such incidents are repugnant, but we should also see them for what they are - outliers.

There is a danger in us allowing these ugly extremes to frame the picture of what we are without pause for reflection or true recompense from those guilty of such anti-social behaviour.

That's a mistake, because when we allow this to happen we surrender a quieter, more tolerant mainstream South Africa to an agenda of hate.

And that's the greatest tragedy of all.