Harry: 'I was close to a breakdown'

18 April 2017 - 10:47 By HANNAH FURNESS
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FIST OF IT: Prince Harry turned to boxing to deal with the trauma of losing his mother when he was 12. Emotional turmoil in his 20s meant he often felt like punching people at royal engagements.
FIST OF IT: Prince Harry turned to boxing to deal with the trauma of losing his mother when he was 12. Emotional turmoil in his 20s meant he often felt like punching people at royal engagements.
Image: JAMIE SIMPSON/AFP

Britain's Prince Harry has disclosed that he sought counselling after enduring two years of "total chaos" while still struggling in his late 20s to come to terms with his mother's death.

In an interview Harry said he "shut down all his emotions" for almost 20 years after losing his mother, Princess Diana, despite his brother, Prince William, persuading him to seek help.

Harry said he spoke to a professional about his mental health, but only began to properly address his grief when he was 28 - after feeling "on the verge of punching someone" and facing anxiety during royal engagements.

Describing the "quite serious effect" that losing his mother had on his life, Harry spoke about how living in the public eye left him feeling he could be "very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions".

"I can count myself very lucky," he said. "It was 20 years of not thinking about it and two years of total chaos."

Harry, 32, turned to counsellors and even took up boxing. He said he was now in "a good place". The prince gave this unprecedented insight into his past in the hope it would encourage people to break the stigma surrounding mental health issues.

He spoke to Bryony Gordon for the first episode of her podcast, Mad World, in which she will interview high-profile guests about their mental health experiences. The 30-minute conversation is one of the most candid insights into the thoughts of a young royal.

The prince, his brother, William, and sister-in-law Kate, have driven Heads Together, a charity which promotes good mental wellbeing. Harry said he spent his teenage years and 20s determined not to think about her.

"I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12 and, therefore, shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well," he said.

"I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief and lies and misconceptions and everything are coming to you from every angle," he said.

Asked whether he had been to see a "shrink" to "let it all rip", he said, "I've done that a couple of times, more than a couple of times, but it's great."

"During those years I took up boxing, because everyone was saying boxing is good for you and it's a really good way of letting out aggression," he said. "And that really saved me because I was on the verge of punching someone, so being able to punch someone who had pads was certainly easier."

He eventually sought support with the encouragement of his brother and others close to him, who told him, "Look, you really need to deal with this. It is not normal to think that nothing has affected you."

Since learning to talk honestly about his feelings, he said, he now felt able to put "blood, sweat and tears" into helping others.

"The experience I have had is that once you start talking about it, you realise that actually you're part of quite a big club," he said.

Later this year, the brothers will commemorate the 20th anniversary of their mother's death and honour her "kindness, compassion and service".

Harry said of his loss, "My way of dealing with it was sticking my head in the sand, refusing to ever think about my mum, because why would that help? [I thought] it's only going to make you sad, it's not going to bring her back.

"So from an emotional side, I was like 'right, don't ever let your emotions be part of anything'.

"So I was a typical 20, 25, 28-year-old running around going 'life is great' or 'life is fine' and that was exactly it. And then I started to have a few conversations and actually all of a sudden, all of this grief that I have never processed started to come to the forefront and I was like, there is actually a lot of stuff here that I need to deal with."

Before then he had struggled to understand it, "I just couldn't put my finger on it. I just didn't know what was wrong with me."

Even at royal engagements he had found himself battling a "fight or flight" reaction without knowing why. Once he started opening up to friends he found those same friends felt able to "unravel their own issues".

Dismissing speculation he may have been affected by his time in Afghanistan, he said he felt clear that coping with the death of his mother on a very public platform had the greatest impact.

"I can safely say it's not Afghanistan-related. I'm not one of those guys that has had to see my best mate blown up next to me. Luckily, thank God, I wasn't one of those people."

He said his work with the wounded, injured and sick servicemen and women, had proved a turning point in his understanding.

"I know there is huge merit in talking about your issues and the only thing about keeping it quiet is that it's only ever going to make it worse," he said.

"Not just for you but everybody else around you as well because you become a problem. I, through a lot of my 20s, was a problem and I didn't know how to deal with it."

On seeking help, he said, "It's all about timing. And for me, my brother, you know, bless him, he was a huge support. He kept saying this is not right, this is not normal, you need to talk to [someone] about stuff, it's OK.

"The timing wasn't right. You need to feel it in yourself, you need to find the right person to talk to as well."

- © The Daily Telegraph

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