Hogarth 15 April 2012

Hogarth does not suffer fools lightly and is compulsive reading for the millions of South Africans who share this intolerance.

Goodbye old threats, hello new enemies of the republic

REMEMBER the arms deal? South Africa spent billions on aeroplanes, submarines and corvettes to protect against a possible "external threat".

Exactly where all those billions went is still the subject of an inquiry, although Hogarth can make a pretty good guess.

Well, it turns out that it was all for nought as South Africa no longer faces an external threat.

Roelf Meyer, the architect of the latest defence review, put it this way: "Our defence force is coming from a situation where the focus was on threats. Our approach now is to look at the goals and tasks of a defence force whose country is at peace."

Phew. What a relief. This no doubt means less spending on expensive equipment, right?

Wrong.

Meyer apparently recommends that spending on personnel be restricted to 40% of the budget. The remaining 60%? No doubt our new mission will require new equipment ...

Boss lady say what?

THIS week's extreme bureaucratic language comes from the Minister of Defence, Lindiwe Sisulu, who was addressing the Indian Ocean naval symposium in Cape Town.

Said she: "This will require integration of the highest order, both horizontally between various role players, and vertically, between nations and communities, to ensure the inclusion, of, for example, all mandated Government Agencies and non-State Actors able to constructively participate in the forging of solutions."

Translation? "We need to work together."

Secrets of eternal youth

HOGARTH is amused to learn that the birthday boy from Nkandla has fashioned himself into some kind of political Peter Pan. At his impromptu birthday party at Luthuli House, President Jacob Zuma revealed the secret to his "youthful look".

"People ask me what do I do to remain young. It is a single thing. You need a good heart, you must not hate people.

"You just need to be nice, even when something bad happens. You must wish your enemies good luck ... then you will live until 70," he said.

Could this be the same man who is suing a cartoonist?

No cake from Julius

MISSING from the celebrations was the usual adoring greeting from the youth league. While Zuma was cutting his birthday cake on the ground floor of Luthuli House, Julius Malema and his generals - Floyd Shivambu and company - were upstairs begging Cyril Ramaphosa for a postponement of the hearing of their appeal against expulsion.

Praying for something

KGALEMA Motlanthe, the man who hopes to be king of the throne one day, was somewhat taken by surprise when he was asked to say a few words about the birthday boy on Thursday.

A rather bemused looking Motlanthe made a prayer-like gesture with his hands before curiously declaring himself "your humble servant".

Hogarth wonders if this was indeed a genuine act of goodwill or a silent prayer for the 70- year-old to retire at Mangaung in December.

Yes, that's what he said

WHAT was businessman Reuel Khoza thinking when he lambasted the poor state of South Africa's political leadership?

He said: "When elected leaders at the highest level openly engage in factionalist activity, where is the movement that aims to unite the people of South Africa for the complete liberation of the country from all forms of discrimination and national oppression?

"When money changes hands in the battle for personal power and aggrandizement, where is the movement that is built around membership that joins without motives of material advantage and personal gain?"

Oops, Hogarth's mistake! That was President Jacob Zuma addressing the ANC national executive committee in March 2008.

• Write to hogarth@sundaytimes.co.za