Mistrust can be self-fulfilling

22 July 2013 - 02:02 By Leonard Carr, Stephanie Dawson-Cosser
Suspicion can lead to withdrawal
Suspicion can lead to withdrawal

I don't trust and have difficulty making emotional connections. How do i get over this?


WHEN you don't trust people you tend to pay attention to aspects of their behaviour that give you cause for mistrust and suspicion, ignoring aspects that show they're trustworthy and emotionally safe to be with.

To make a real emotional connection you must allow yourself to share your inner experience and be receptive to the inner worlds of others.

You need to develop a greater appreciation of yourself and what you have to offer in a relationship so you are comfortable to allow others to get to know you. You also need to cultivate the habit of paying attention to what is consistently good so you can see people as sources of goodness, and as resources who will add value to your life. - Leonard Carr


Describe to yourself in a journal what a trusting relationship looks like. Then ask who in your life has fulfilled this role, and who has broken your trust in the past. Name them and write down how the trust was broken.

If you could meet this person (or people), what would you like to tell them? Reflect on how it feels to have this pain outside of you rather than locked up inside. What loving words could you say to your hurting betrayed self?

Being conscious of what caused your distrust is the first step towards being courageous enough to venture into friendships that can build trust.

If you feel safer in a group, ask people over, or meet somewhere . Create opportunities to build friendships. Honest friendship develops into trusting relationships, which may become intimate .

If the hurt of past relationships is deep, see a counsellor.- Stephanie Dawson-Cosser