Will we deliver ourselves from ‘Employee of the Month’ Jacob Zuma?

18 October 2017 - 12:58 By tom eaton
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President Jacob Zuma addresses an ANC cadres' forum in KwaZulu-Natal on Sunday August 13 2017.
President Jacob Zuma addresses an ANC cadres' forum in KwaZulu-Natal on Sunday August 13 2017.
Image: THULI DLAMINI

When Jacob Zuma stammered‚ “Right away‚ Comrade!” and hung up the big red phone to Moscow‚ local media were in a quandary.

Should they pretend that all of this is still just politics and describe the events of Tuesday as a “cabinet reshuffle”‚ or should they be honest and report that the criminal gang currently hollowing out South Africa had just appointed a new getaway driver to help it carry out the R1-trillion heist it’s been planning for over a decade?

In the end the media opted for “cabinet reshuffle”‚ which‚ to be fair‚ is more reassuring than “the next cynical step along an ever-shortening path that leads directly to the total destruction of South Africa”.

Still‚ despite this more euphemistic approach‚ many commentators expressed anxiety. Some worried that the instability caused by yet another “reshuffle” would dent investor confidence even more. Others suggested that Zuma (or‚ as he is known in Russia‚ ‘Rosatom Employee of the Month’) was merely rearranging deckchairs on the Titanic.

I‚ too‚ am worried‚ but I can allay both those fears.

Firstly‚ there is only one investor – Vladimir Putin – and right now he is fantastically confident. And secondly‚ our current crisis is nothing like the sinking of the Titanic‚ mainly because the Titanic’s captain didn’t steer straight for the iceberg. (He also went down with the ship and I can assure you that Employee Zuma has no plans to face any consequences whatsoever.)

In the moments following the reshuffle‚ Max du Preez urged us to “join the dots”‚ alluding to the recent visit to Moscow by new Energy Minister David Mahlobo and well-known diplomats Kenny Kunene and Gayton McKenzie.

It sounds complicated‚ this dot-joining‚ but it really isn’t; because as far as I can tell there are only two dots. The one is the ANC and the other is a failed state‚ and right now they are already joined by a very clear‚ very short line.

South Africans have got work to do. The land issue must be tackled. Economic justice must be defined and delivered. The ongoing crime against our children – called “Basic Education” by this wretched government – must be stopped and replaced with actual teaching.

But the only way we will do these things will be as South Africans or Azanians or Democrats or Fighters or whatever else we decided to call ourselves. Right now‚ we are servants of Russian politicians and Indian businessmen. And if this utterly rotten party is not ejected in 2019‚ we may never get to decide who we really are.

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