Zuma - can the countdown start already?

On Sunday night‚ a South African billionaire fired Zuma.

At least‚ that was the plan. But Elon Musk’s SpaceX launch of the Zuma military satellite was a failure. Zuma splashed down somewhere in the Atlantic and is now missing.

Down in Johannesburg‚ an almost identical moment was playing itself out at the same time‚ as another South African billionaire was preparing to launch another Zuma into the icy cold of political deep space. Cyril Ramaphosa was holding a private meeting with Msholozi. The countdown‚ it seemed‚ had finally begun.

Forty-eight hours later‚ however‚ Zuma had punched his own self-destruct button‚ announcing the commission of inquiry into state capture and spectacularly blowing up Ramaphosa’s plan‚ and now nobody knows where he is.

No doubt Mr Musk and his military employers will track down their soggy Zuma‚ even though the Wall Street Journal has reported that the billion-dollar payload is “presumed to be a total loss”. So pretty much identical to our Zuma‚ then.

But it’s going take more than sonar and GPS locators to find our President in the murky depths of local politics. Right now his position is unknown‚ mainly because he doesn’t have one: Zuma currently holds no office in the ANC.

Well‚ no official one. Obviously there’s that small office down in the basement where the smallanyana skeletons and brown envelopes are stored. For a man about to be dumped onto the slagheap of South African history‚ he is being treated with the ponderous‚ delicate care that bomb-disposal experts reserve for large‚ hissing‚ ticking barrels. We must assume that he is still connected to some powerful networks and can still call in some massive favours.

One position he definitely does hold‚ however‚ is that of educator.

For all the damage he has done to our institutions‚ our economy and our confidence in each other‚ Zuma has also taught us an incredible amount: about power and what it looks like when it curdles; about democracy and how fragile it is. He has taught us that government corruption requires corporate corruption. But he has also taught us that we have a strong judiciary‚ a relentless and excellent press‚ and heroic NGOs. And perhaps‚ in the end‚ he’s taught us something we weren’t sure of: that we deserve better.

Now‚ can the countdown start already?