Opinion

Run your car on liquid gold... and other handy tips to survive the petrol hike

You know you're going to need them

06 June 2018 - 14:14
Modify your car to run on liquid gold. It will work out cheaper in the long run.
Modify your car to run on liquid gold. It will work out cheaper in the long run.
Image: ERIC GAILLARD/REUTERS

This morning the price of petrol rose from Jesus Wept per litre to It Puts The Lotion On Its Skin per litre. To help cushion the blow, here is a list of handy cost-cutting methods to make your budget stretch a little further if you drive a car.

• Accelerate smoothly. (Cape Town: “accelerate” is a thing you can do with your car if you use that pedal on the right. Johannesburg: “accelerate” is a thing you can do with your car if you have previously done another thing called “braking”. Durban: this is a thing called “a column”. You’re doing super well to have got so far. Hang in there.)

• Don't drive in rush hour. This means you should not drive between 4am and 10.30am, 11am and 2.15pm, 2.17pm and 9.30pm.

• Work for national government. Well, I say “work” but you know what I mean. If you “work” very “hard” you will get a free car containing free petrol, thereby transforming your figurative free ride into a literal one.

• Modify your car to run on liquid gold. It will work out cheaper in the long run.

Read Eaton's full column on Times Select

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