If political parties were guys, would you date them? And that's why I won't vote...

I am a registered voter but I don’t think I am going to exercise my right to vote.

I know, you probably read that and concluded that I am part of the problem… part of the irresponsible born-frees. But I don’t think I am, and I’ll explain why.

If I vote in May, then I will be voting for the second time in my life. Looking back, my vote made absolutely no difference or, if it did, I didn’t see it.

When you are a black person in South Africa, you are constantly expected to compromise, to be okay with choosing the lesser of two evils because we’ve had worse. But this ONE time I don’t want to.

We always joke that SA needs to take a break – the same way people go on a self-what-what journey to find themselves. I think we really need that break or at least enough time to get the guy (in this case, the political party) we deserve!

Besides, who the hell do I even vote for anyway? The ANC? Where do I even begin?

The ANC is like that old guy in the club who keeps asking you out, even though he’s 20 years your senior. Kinda like that older student who really shouldn’t be in high school, but he just doesn’t know when to quit. Because all the teachers know him and trust him. He runs errands and can even skips classes because he’s now friends with the principal. He seems great until you realise he’s not really improving where it matters. As it turns out, his conduct record is ridiculous.

I mean, you don’t have to be a political analyst or even an avid follower of politics to know that the ANC (through its members) has broken every single promise THEY MADE. The very same freedom they always conveniently point out that they fought and died for, they don’t mind abusing it.

What I am saying is Marikana, Life Esidimeni, state capture, Bosasa, Khwezi, and all the other “small ’nyana” skeletons that are yet to be revealed, are wearing green, yellow and black.

So, the ANC needs to graduate to consultant. They have had their turn.

The DA? Don’t tell me about that guy. The DA is that guy who was doing well - you know, had real promise of becoming something. That was until his greed made him want the fame and popularity of the older guy (ANC). So, he kept failing because his sole purpose became to watch and report what the other guy was doing.

All my life, living under ANC governance, with their successes and their many epic fails, I have never even once seen the DA step up for anything, except to say the ANC has f****d up.

Nobody wants to vote for the guy that doesn’t have his own thing going. Hell! In 2019 nobody even wants to date that guy. Imagine giving him a whole country to govern. It also doesn’t help that, deep down, thanks to the older people who lived through apartheid, we all low-key still believe that the rich white guy that actually pulls the strings will bring back apartheid.

EFF? Too much of a youngin'. If I was voting, I’d probably put my X here. Here’s the thing, the EFF is like that super rebellious kid you all wish you could be. That one with no home training, who is woke and all kinds of conscious. I think the right word is radical. Anyway, I just can’t put a ring on it because, for every good reason I find to do so, there’s an unimaginable amount of recklessness, childishness… and almost stupidity in how they do things. The kind that makes me feel unsafe, and that’s not okay with me.

Like, don’t get me wrong, getting the land and economic freedom would be great, but there are so many things that worry me about a situation where the EFF has a lot of power. So, no.

That leaves no one else because I find that most of the other parties offer nothing different and just don’t do much to stand out. Some are just making a mockery out of all the poor people of SA, because they could do something better with the money they take to form political parties created to make them feel better about their lives. Like give out bursaries or something.

So, I am a registered voter, but I don’t think I will cast that vote. I am tired of compromising. I am waiting for someone to deserve my vote. That’s my story and I am sticking to it. Go argue in your mess of a parliament!