Make the switch: What is right with your life?

Newer approaches to psychology present a compelling departure from its traditional focus on what is “wrong” with a person’s mental health, instead emphasising enhancing life’s joys, gratitude and strengths.

Too often, we spend time thinking about the difficulties in our lives or what is “wrong” with us, and not enough energy is focused on what is right in our lives, or how we can embrace the wonderful things in life to experience greater happiness and fulfilment.

Conventional wisdom suggests we learn from our mistakes, but this is not helpful when it sets us up for depression and anxiety through an overemphasis on failure that can shatter our self-image and self-esteem, and our mental wellbeing generally.

Positive psychology is a whole new ball game, redirecting the narrative from asking “what is wrong in us” to focusing on “what is right with us”.

Appreciating the good in the world and in ourselves, nurturing our strengths and embracing optimism not only brings a deeper sense of satisfaction to daily life but also helps to develop resilience.

Change or future hardships are more bearable when we fortify ourselves with the strength of positivity and tools of mindfulness, gratitude, and actively welcome moments of delight into our daily lives that can help us “bounce back” and cope with a negative situation more positively.

For a decade, I have been hosting a positive psychology group (PPG) at Netcare Akeso Alberton, where interested members participate in a practitioner-led psychoeducational support group. We explore how our lives can be enriched through consciously changing our thought processes in line with the principles of positive psychology.

Here are some basic examples of concepts we have explored in more than 100 sessions since the PPG started, which can be easily incorporated into daily life to help transform our perspectives to help us flourish.

Gratitude

Reflecting on thankfulness makes life and relationships more satisfying. Enjoy life more through conscious appreciation. From a drink of cold water on a hot day to really appreciating your partner, your home and each mouthful of food you eat.

When we stop to reflect, we have so many truly wonderful gifts that should never be taken for granted.

Happiness

When we focus on what went or is going well in our lives, we are happier. Research suggests we need at least three positive comments or thoughts to offset every negative one, ideally a ratio of five to one, to shift to this flourishing state of being.

When you notice something that makes you feel grateful, contented or joyous, write it down or take a photo to celebrate it and commemorate it to look back on in future. Getting into this habit of saluting the good wherever we find it can help you see the world and yourself differently.

Strengths

Many of us draw a blank when asked this classic interview question, either because we struggle to identify them or find the words to describe them, or we may be uncomfortable about verbalising strengths in a society that is usually more focused on finding fault. If we do know what our strengths are, they are often couched in vague or bland terms.

Strengths are not only what you are successful at already, consider also what you are passionate about and what makes you feel strong.

Talk to others who demonstrate their strengths. See this as a continuous process, growing your strengths from this foundation.

Kindness

Have you ever noticed that doing something kind or altruistic for someone else gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside? This is supported in psychology literature, and it’s the perfect time of year to try the benefits of random acts of kindness.

I challenge you, think of one totally unexpected kind thing to do — and just go for it!

Happiness is where you find it. Look closer to home and seek opportunities in the here and now to make the most of your time on earth.

• Tony de Gouveia is a clinical psychologist and resilience coach practising at Netcare Akeso Alberton

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