Is 'regret rape' real? What 'Skeem Saam' got right about consent

For the past 13 years, Skeem Saam's characters have become a staple in South African homes. Breaking records and making household names out of its many sagas, the teen drama turned soapie has brought in multiple storylines that resonate with topical issues about the typical South African experience.

As the rape capital of the world, it was only a short time before the soapie would follow in the footsteps of its contemporaries like Isidingo and The Bold and the Beautiful by taking a formidable female character and having her face sexual assault.

This was the case with Lethabo Mekoa who plays the rebellious Ntswaki. Ntswaki got entangled in a rape scene with Seekay Buthelezi who recently joined the cast as troublesome Toby. In a scene that has left South Africans divided, Toby coaxes Ntswaki into sleeping with him after she made it clear she would like to leave the room.

The story ultimately saw Ntswaki coming out about not wanting to have sex with Toby, eventually leading to the rape case that ended in the latter's 15-year sentence.

Calling it “regret rape” and “regret sex”, coined from a scene in the soapie, many took to social media platforms in shock that Ntswaki was able to have Toby sentenced to imprisonment. For many watchers, it seemed as if justice was not served for Toby whom they felt was in the right with his approach. 

A 2015 study found that 32% of college-level men have forced women into having sex. However, the majority of them were found to have a poor understanding of consent. When asked if they had raped anyone before, the number dwindled to 14%.

“Those that said 'yes' when asked if they would coerce a woman into sex had 'callous sexual attitudes' connected with female objectification,” the study found. Furthermore, during the sessions, they were found to be hostile and believed women were deceitful.

The saga also coincides with a recent report in TimesLIVE that considers consent a key. If there is a lack of physical resistance or verbal denial, it does not mean consent is given unless it is expressly communicated that the person wants to continue having sex with someone. 

Psychologist David W Wahl shared these 7 rules to understand sexual consent:

1. One cannot consent if they are underage.
2. One cannot consent if they are intoxicated.
3. One cannot consent if the are unconscious.
4. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
5. One cannot consent if they are being coerced, threatened or manipulated. 
6. Present consent does not indicate future consent.
7. No is never Yes. Maybe is never Yes.