Merry Doomsday and a Happy 2013!

ARE those the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse approaching at a gallop?

No, we're not talking about the conclusion of the Mayan calendar and the predicted end of the world today. We're talking about tomorrow's Cape Guineas.

Take a look at the race card and you'll understand my uneasy feeling of impending doom.

The first four horses in the betting are named King of Pain, Capetown Noir, The Hangman and Black Toga. Isn't that spooky on the same weekend as our foretold Armageddon?

Actually, we might not have to worry about finding the winner from among that forbidding foursome. By tomorrow, they, and we, could be spinning through space, atomised into billions of fragments, with thoughts of a lovely day out at the Kenilworth races rather forgotten.

I'm pleased you're reading these words. It means we haven't been wiped out yet. Of course, that might still happen later on. In which case I feel proud and honoured that these will be among the last words you'll ever read. Crikey, don't you have something better to do! Like scrambling to the top of a high mountain to escape the onrushing tsunami, or stashing another can of baked beans in your underground nuclear fallout shelter.

Sensible people assure us that today will pass quietly, without apocalyptic incident. They insist that we don't have to fret that global obliteration might interfere with tomorrow morning's round of golf, or that incineration by solar flare will prevent us catching the East Enders omnibus, or that rogue planet Nibiru will smash into Earth and muck up the going at Kenilworth.

The worst we can expect is another headline about the hellish atmosphere on Planet Mangaung. Speaking of which, you might be forgiven for thinking we've all died already and gone to Purgatory, where the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - Pestilence, War, Famine and Death - are listed on the party slate for high office.

Nope. We're still here, in Heaven on Earth, with the pleasing prospect of a brilliant Guineas, monikers notwithstanding.

The Cape Guineas has long been the country's premier contest for three-year-olds, with some of the great names in the game on the old trophy. The prestige, and a R1-million purse, have once again attracted top colts from around South Africa.

King Of Pain - a pale-grey horse but, one hopes, not the harbinger of death from the Book of Revelations - recently triumphed over five of the 11 opponents he faces here, over the same trip, and now has a weight advantage over all of them.

This suggests that his challengers are likely to come from among the Joburg and Durban raiders.

I'll stick my neck out and go for The Hangman.

As Spike Milligan once said: "Armageddon outta here!"

The next "Geegees" will be in 2013 - God willing, as my Lebanese friends say.

All the best for Christmas and may your post-apocalyptic pay-outs be plentiful.

Selections: Cape Guineas (Race 7): 3 The Hangman, 1 King Of Pain, 9 Paterfamilias, 2 Capetown Noir.