Olympic eye candy so boring you'll want to drown him

Ryan Lochte should not have a reality show. The swimmer's show, What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, is so bad that it's not even good for being so bad.

The 11-time Olympic medallist became a star at the last Olympics because, while he's not as successful as his teammate Michael Phelps, he's way easier on the eye. Blond, blue-eyed, dimpled and ripped for days, Lochte is like the real life Ken (Barbie's boyfriend), but with a bit of a bad-boy edge.

At least that's how he came across until E! Entertainment decided to share his life with viewers, which is: girls, parties, sneakers and swimming. On loop. If Lochte was as quotable as Scott Disick (from Keeping Up with the Kardashians) or even half as charming, the fact that he's a teenage boy in a 28-year-old man's body wouldn't be so bad.

Lochte is vacuous, just a pretty face with a banging body. When he speaks to the camera , you can hear crickets chirping.

In an interview, Lochte said his sneaker line was designed to give people "the Lochte edge". When the interviewer asked what that edge was, there was silence. Then: "No one's ever asked me that before."

In another interview, that went viral, two co-anchors asked how he kept up with his swimming despite his hard partying. He spewed: "If you're gonna be a man at night, you've gotta be a man in the morning."

Shut up and jump back into the pool.

• 'What Would Ryan Lochte Do?' starts on E! Entertainment (DStv 124) on July 21 at 10pm