Chester unpacks his G-string

This is an election year that feels like an extension of the silly season as new political parties mushroom and politicians campaign for votes.

Think of the radical EFF led by none other than former ANC Youth League president Julius Malema, and the Patriotic Alliance founded by controversial businessman Kenny Kunene, infamous for eating sushi off bodies of scantily dressed models.

And then enter the United Congress founded by former Deputy Defence Minister Mluleki George, a splinter from Cope – which also broke away from the ANC –  and businesswoman Mamphela Ramphele’s AgangSA .

Amid this maelstrom, razor-tongued political analyst and puppet Chester Missing took a moment out of his suitcase to unpack the upcoming electioneering period.

“The weirdest behaviour has already happened,” said Missing. “The ANC are electioneering by depriving people of water and the DA are sucking up to black voters by complaining when their kids pass matric. Next a millionaire will tells us he’s a communist: Enter Juju.”

The EFF has become synonymous with red berets but it seems the ANC will not be outdone. Its youth league also donned the head gear during the party’s election manifesto in Mpumalanga recently. DA leader Helen Zille was also seen wearing a blue one while encouraging voters to register in Mitchells Plain last year.

“The difference between the EFF beret and the ANC one is that the ANC one has a holder for current tender documents, the EFF just for future ones. The DA must stop wearing berets, because seeing a DA voter in a revolutionary beret is like seeing a nun in a G-string,” Missing said.

He predicts the elections will be full of surprises while some political parties will shed support. He said the most affected are those that broke away from the ruling party.

“How can you make Cope smaller than it already is? That’s like one of the Bala brothers forming  a breakaway group called the Bala Brother.

“The PAC has outsourced its membership to the EFF.

“The elections will involve backstabbing, lying, dodging bullets, money grabbing. And that’s just Kenny Kunene”.