Broken-hearted this Valentine's Day? Rule No 1: Don't call your ex!

12 February 2019 - 11:27 By nivashni nair
There are many ways to get through Valentine's Day if you're lonely and single. None of these involves calling your ex, say divorce experts.
There are many ways to get through Valentine's Day if you're lonely and single. None of these involves calling your ex, say divorce experts.
Image: ISTOCK

You may be tempted to contact an ex this Valentine's Day. Don't make that call.

SA relationship experts say exes are best left in the past.

"While it is very tempting to call your ex when you're feeling lonely, bear in mind the reasons why this relationship ended. These reasons are telling you that this person is not right for you so making that call means you are willing to settle for less than you really deserve," professional matchmaker Kas Naidoo said.

Her tips to avoid contacting a ex on Thursday include getting physical.

"No, not that – go for a walk. Exercise releases endorphins, which are a 'feel-good' hormone," she said.

Phone a friend.

"Tell them beforehand that when you call, it means you need a distraction fast. Whether it’s a trip to the mall, the gym or just hanging out with a movie and some popcorn; it will help tremendously to have some company and not give in to temptation," Naidoo said.

Founder of the SA Divorce Support Association, counsellor, and mediator Nadia Thonnard said the end of a relationship is not the breakup point of one's life.

"It's a change of direction. Embrace your journey. The future isn't written yet."

"It is what it is. Just accept it. You have no control over others, but you can control yourself and how you react to them. You can choose to be mature about it or you can choose to be irresponsible about it. Your choice will determine the quality of your experience."

Thonnard's tips to avoid contacting an ex this Valentine's Day are:

  • Be with people who make you happy. Whether family or friends, surround yourself with happy people and enjoy your time with them.
  • Be busy. Whether it is spending time in nature, catching a movie or rearranging your home, keep yourself busy with healthy alternatives.
  • Switch off your phone! Yep. That simple. If you do not trust yourself, disconnect completely. Allow yourself to grieve and if you need to be sad on that day, then be sad. Give yourself permission to feel every feeling.
  • Stock up on ice cream, settle in front of Netflix and nurture yourself with the understanding that the following day you will be ready to take on a new day, stronger, healthier and happier!

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