Why I left my newborn baby for dead: young mother 'lost her mind' after rape

With scores of babies dumped in dustbins, the veld and pit latrines across the country this year, a woman from Mpumalanga who dumped her newborn daughter has explained why she did it.

Thato Baloyi* commented on a social media platform in response to a picture of a newborn baby that was found alive after being dumped in the Eastern Cape. Describing the image as heartbreaking, she admitted to doing the same thing.

TimesLIVE spoke to Baloyi, who said her horrific ordeal began in 2019 with an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy. 

“I had just gotten a job at a restaurant and we were knocking off late because they were training me. I was walking around 10pm to catch a taxi back to Mamelodi when I came across three men. They all raped me,” she said.

Before that, the then 22-year-old had never had a sexual experience with any man.

“I never wanted a baby. I was focused on helping my mom because she was having it tough taking care of us while she also has a heart condition. My elder sister had also had a child in high school. I saw what it did to my mom who was having it tough, working on a farm, so I never wanted that at all,” said Thato.

On the night of the rape, she headed back to her rented shack where she lived alone, bathed and kept her ordeal secret. 

“I tried to commit suicide because of this several times,” she said.

Much later she discovered she was pregnant. “I tried to have an abortion twice. I even drank all sorts of poisons because I didn’t care whether I lived or died but it just gave me a runny stomach,” she said.

She tried to find solace at the ZCC church in Moria, where in her depressed state she became ill, went to a clinic and was transferred to a hospital where it was confirmed that she was in labour. She gave birth via a C-section.

“After I was discharged, everything was a blur. I just remember trying to kill her. I remember trying to strangle her,” she said, bursting into tears.

“I lost my mind that day. I turned into someone I don’t even know.”

She mixed pain medication with water and fed it to her daughter in a bid to kill the infant.

“After I tried to kill her, I decided to leave her at a hardware store. At that time, my family in Mpumalanga did not even know I had been pregnant.”

She travelled home by taxi and told her mother and siblings she had pain in her abdomen. None of them suspected she was pregnant.

Later that night, she cried and confessed to her family, saying she wanted her baby back.

“I went to the police station to confess. I thought she was dead. I was arrested and later released on bail. I attended court until the court accepted a psychologist's report that I had been under major depression.”

Unlike many cases with horrific endings, the dumped baby had been found and taken to hospital.

Baloyi's mother was given guardianship of the little girl. Mother and baby were reunited again.

“She was the most beautiful thing,” said Baloyi, with her daughter screaming loudly in the background.

It has been a year and nine months since her ordeal and Baloyi said she cannot imagine a life without her daughter — though it has not been easy. They survive on a child support grant. At times, she said, things were so tough they had gone to bed without eating.

Seeing posts of other dumped babies triggered memories of the ordeal, she said, and she continues to have  therapy. “I am still trying to bond with my daughter because at first I didn’t love her, but I am so overprotective of her, especially around men.”

Asked if she was not afraid of being judged when she posted on social media about what she had done, she said when she confessed to the police she was subjected to all sorts of insults, which have given her a tough skin.

“I already know what I have done and I can’t change people’s minds or opinions of me.”

She has since opened a police case on the rape. 

“For now, my life has stopped. There is no progress, nothing. I want to study either television production or marketing. I hope to travel and meet people of different cultures,” she said.

For her daughter, she has even bigger dreams.

The Door of Hope, a foundation that cares for abandoned babies, last month reported they had 58 babies in their care. Though the centre caters for mothers who choose to give up their babies, some of the infants at the Door of Hope have been abandoned.

The foundation said since 1999 when it was founded, it had taken in 1,790 babies. Just over 800 of them had been adopted while 334 were reunited with their families.

* TimesLIVE has elected to protect the identity of the mother in this article. 

TimesLIVE