‘I dated a gangster — and had to move towns to run away from his abuse’

As a teenager Phumzile Noosi from Soweto dated a “well-mannered man”, only to flee from him after the relationship became abusive and she learnt he was a “gangster involved in heists”.

Noosi spoke out about her ordeal as a warning to other vulnerable youths, saying her naiveté had led to her making a mistake she would not want to repeat. 

Her abusive ex was shot dead in 2013, which allowed her to return to Soweto after fleeing to two different towns to escape his grip, she said. TimesLIVE is not naming him as police are unable to verify if he had a criminal record.

When she met the man Noosi was 15. She lived with her great-grandmother and uncle, as her mother had passed away and her father did not play an active part in her life.

He was 31, “clean, appeared well-mannered and was a decent person”.

He told her he worked at Volkswagen. As the relationship grew, he started frequently changing cars.

“He would come home with a lot of money. I was inquisitive and would ask him where he got the money and he would make up stories,” she said.

She also questioned him about the type of friends he had, who she suspected were linked to criminality. “I would ask him why do you hang about with those guys while you 'don’t do the same things' they do. He insisted he just hung about with them,” she said.

Noosi said she intermittently stayed at his home after making excuses to her guardians about her whereabouts or said she was visiting her father’s relatives. Two years into the relationship, her uncle found out through a friend. He wasn’t happy about it and they had a fight.

She said her then boyfriend was loving towards her but too controlling. 

“He didn’t want me to hang out with certain people. If he found me at the mall or shopping centre, it would be an issue that I didn’t inform him,” she said.

After three years she tried to end the relationship but the boyfriend refused, insisting he would be the one to decide if and when to end the relationship. She said it became so toxic that when he saw her walking somewhere, he would force her to go with him.  

She moved to Klerksdorp to escape, before returning to Soweto when she felt enough time had passed to break it off.

“I came back thinking he wouldn't care any more, then I bumped into him while with a friend.”

She alleged he held her captive at his home for a week before permitting her to return to her family. “My great-grandmother advised [me] that I am no longer safe there … it is better to move out of the area,” she said.

“He raped me throughout that [week], he beat me up and would want to strangle me. I [thought]: 'This is not the life I want. I am just going to stay away from Johannesburg until it is safe for me to come back’.”

She moved to Ladybrand, where she spent most of her time until she heard he had died.

As a vulnerable teenager from a low-income household, Noosi was taken in by what the older man could offer, which she later regretted. 

“It was hard to make ends meet, I was young and my father was not active in my life, my mom had passed away. He played a father-figure role in my life — provided everything I wanted. Whatever lifestyle he was living was the lifestyle I was living.

“But no-one wants to be in an abusive relationship.”

TimesLIVE

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