He was good-looking and kind, then the abuse began: a doctor's story

Medical doctor Celiwe Dada, a mother of three, has captured the attention of the internet with her powerful story of surviving an abusive marriage.

Through TikTok videos, Dada opened up about her personal life, revealing the emotional and financial toll her marriage had taken on her.

The video has sparked a conversation on abuse, particularly how it affects women from all walks of life, including those who are educated and professionally accomplished. In her video, Dada spoke candidly about her decision to share her story and how it might resonate with other women in similar situations.

“I know that there are other women who are going through what I'm going through and I felt that if a doctor comes out and says, 'Listen, I know what you're talking about when you say you have been abused, I have been going through the very same thing,' I knew that it would unlock a different conversation,” said Dada.

Dada’s story began at church where she met her future husband, who was active in the church’s media team. At the time, she was a medical student in her fourth year.

“He was a good-looking man, very active in church, and incredibly kind to me. When I met him, he was doing well for himself, and our conversation always aligned. I said I had found the man I would build my future with,” said Dada. 

The reality of their relationship took a sharp turn when Dada bought her husband, who owned a barbershop, an expensive car. She shared that she agreed to buy a vehicle that cost R15,000 a month for her growing family.

“At the time, I was doing my Com-Serve, and he convinced me to buy a car that stretched my finances. This is where things started to go wrong,” said Dada in her TikTok video.

Despite the challenges, the couple’s situation worsened when the car was involved in an accident in 2021. While the insurance covered the damages, Dada suggested purchasing a more affordable car to ease the financial burden.

Her husband refused, insisting they maintain a higher status by owning a Mercedes-Benz.

“He said he wasn’t going to downgrade. His status, in his eyes, was too high to drive anything less,” Dada explained.

The new car cost R23,000 a month, including insurance, which put further strain on their finances and ultimately affected their ability to care for their children.

As Dada’s marriage continued, her living situation became more strained. She moved to a back room while her husband lived with their children.

Despite her successful career, Dada found herself trapped in a toxic and abusive relationship. She emphasised that her story challenges the stereotype of women who are often perceived as vulnerable and uneducated in abusive relationships.

“The normal thing that everyone knows and is used to is that less fortunate women who get abused are those who don’t work, who are uneducated, and don’t have a future. But someone who is a doctor — that’s someone who’s considered to have a noble career, who is smart, and independent,” said Dada.

For years, Dada stayed silent about the abuse she was enduring.

“Not speaking out at the time was also deliberate. If you are asking me what made me decide to talk it’s because I felt like it was time for me to open up fully about the abuse,” she said.

Now, Dada hopes that her story will inspire other women to break the silence and seek help.

“The problem is not having nothing, the problem is being a woman who finds herself in the hands of an abusive man,” said Dada. “I am telling people never to be like me. They must not wait until the person takes the decision to leave. As a doctor who’s also been through that, I understand just how strong the bond of being with someone who is abusing you can be. It doesn’t make sense, you will know, but you can’t leave. Now, I’m a little more empathetic when I’m dealing with these kinds of situations,” she said. 

Dada says since coming forward with the truth, she has received an outpouring of love and support.

“As soon as I came out with my truth and told people, everyone just came and surrounded me. I am loved, I am very loved and very supported. I’ve got good friends, I’ve got good colleagues. Everyone is actually supportive,” she said.

In her message to other women, Dada stressed the importance of empowerment and self-care.

“Women should prioritise empowering themselves. If you feel empowered and take care of your own self, eventually you will realise that whatever it is that you are tolerating, you can do without it,” said Dada.

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