“That’s when Jake White phoned. I’d been fortunate in my previous time with the Bulls to build up a great relationship with Jake as my coach and Edgar Rathbone as CEO of the Bulls.
“When they saw the news about Wasps going under they reached out to me. They said to me, and I still get quite emotional about it, 'Pretoria is your home. You’re always welcome here'.
“It was a lifeline for me and I am forever grateful to them for it. I think it showed how grateful I was that I had one of my best performances in my first match back with the Bulls against the Ospreys in the URC, for which I was voted man of the match.
“After the struggles we’d been through as a family, I felt this incredible relief to be privileged to be playing and have a job again. I had this sense of wanting to repay Jake and Edgar for their faith in me. I still do. I want to help this team win titles and be the best player I can be.
“To anybody who is struggling out there, I know what you’re feeling. You might think that as rugby players we’re somehow immune to the twists and turns of life or protected from it.
“We’re not. I can lose my job just like any ordinary South African. And I did.”
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‘I was in a dark space,’ says Bulls loose forward Carr on losing job at Wasps
Image: Steve Haag/Gallo Images
Springbok and Bulls loose forward Nizaam Carr has spoken about the nightmare that plunged him into a “dark space” when he lost his job as English club Wasps went under administration late last year.
When Wasps' management was taken over for failing to repay a debt of £35m (R750m) to their bondholders, Carr and fellow South Africans Vincent Koch, Burger Odendaal and Francois Hougaard lost their contracts at the club.
“Wasps went bankrupt and I was made redundant,” Carr told My Voice, which recounts the journeys of United Rugby Championship (URC) players.
“Like so many South Africans who have been through the same, I was devastated and didn’t know where to turn or what to do next. Just like that, overnight, I went from living my dream to a nightmare.
“Anybody who has lost their job knows the feeling and I wouldn’t wish it upon any rugby player to have to go through that. It was the lowest point of my career, it was the first time something like that happened to me and my family.
“You wake up in the morning with this dark cloud hanging over you and this frustration. I was calling agents trying to figure out what is going on and what my next move could be.
“The problem was it happened at the start of the season and the other English Premiership clubs had already spent their budgets on players. So suddenly you’re facing a situation where it feels like all the doors are closed.
“It’s the beginning of the season and you are ready to give your best, and then there’s just no opportunity.”
With his future hanging in the balance, Carr was under pressure and did not know how he was going to provide for his family.
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“As the main breadwinner you start asking questions about how you’re going to provide and earn a living. You feel that pressure of needing to make something happen soon.
“It wasn’t pressure from my family. They are my anchor and they shared the burden with me. But when you’re the main breadwinner you instinctively take on the pressure.
“In a way they helped me keep it together and not fall apart because I didn’t want them to see I was feeling it and worry more. I kept telling myself if I lost it and gave up they would all suffer and I couldn’t allow that.
“But you take that pressure to bed with you every night and I was in a dark space.”
A breakthrough for the five-time Bok came when he received a call from Bulls coach Jake White who offered him a contract from November 2022 to June 2024.
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“That’s when Jake White phoned. I’d been fortunate in my previous time with the Bulls to build up a great relationship with Jake as my coach and Edgar Rathbone as CEO of the Bulls.
“When they saw the news about Wasps going under they reached out to me. They said to me, and I still get quite emotional about it, 'Pretoria is your home. You’re always welcome here'.
“It was a lifeline for me and I am forever grateful to them for it. I think it showed how grateful I was that I had one of my best performances in my first match back with the Bulls against the Ospreys in the URC, for which I was voted man of the match.
“After the struggles we’d been through as a family, I felt this incredible relief to be privileged to be playing and have a job again. I had this sense of wanting to repay Jake and Edgar for their faith in me. I still do. I want to help this team win titles and be the best player I can be.
“To anybody who is struggling out there, I know what you’re feeling. You might think that as rugby players we’re somehow immune to the twists and turns of life or protected from it.
“We’re not. I can lose my job just like any ordinary South African. And I did.”
Support independent journalism by subscribing to the Sunday Times. Just R20 for the first month.
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