In South Africa, 70% of children are growing up in single-parent homes and it is estimated that four out of five boys with absent fathers don’t have even one other consistent, positive male role model in their lives.
Ahead of World Trauma Day on Thursday, nonprofit organisation The Character Company (TCC) — which works with fatherless boys — says research has shown youngsters growing up without male role models are vulnerable to depression, social withdrawal, suicide ideation, substance abuse, aggression, both poor performance and over-performance, as well as truancy and bullying.
TCC works with young boys between the ages of five and 10, but their long-term mentorship approach means they would continue to be part of their lives throughout their school career and beyond.
“Our programme of consistent mentoring and healthy, outdoor activities is a model of social fatherhood we are implementing so that boys with absent fathers have the much-needed opportunity to engage with male role models who are intentional, committed and accountable to them.
“The five values — respect, honesty, self-discipline, courage and kindness — provide the framework for how to grow into a good man, and the road map for how we engage with each other in our mentorship groups. We provide safe places for boys to talk about their feelings and develop emotional intelligence and empathy,” said Jaco van Schalkwyk, TCC founder and CEO.
He said trauma is not just physical hurt.
“Trauma can also be created by our experiences in life that are not necessarily violent or abusive. The lack of a positive male role model is such a devastating experience for a young boy. It’s a trauma that goes much deeper than sadness at missing out on playing rugby with your dad.
“Traumatic experiences can disrupt a child's sense of safety, trust and emotional regulation, often leading to long-term mental health effects. If these traumas are not addressed with appropriate, timely intervention and support, it can lead to a lifetime of mental health, behavioural and social challenges.”
Van Schalkwyk believes a boy’s identity and sense of self is positively shaped by having a father or male caregiver who pays attention, makes time and serves as a guide for him as he grows.
Dr Joan van Niekerk, child rights and protection consultant at Jelly Beanz — an organisation helping children who have experienced abuse and neglect — says: “The absence of fathers who are positive and responsible role models is a form of neglect, and it has enormous impact on both boys and girls.
“The impact on boys results in a lack of guidance on social relationships, and on how to use their physical strength to protect others and not to harm and/or hurt.
“Boys with absent fathers then take gender role guidance from other sources such as television, social media and, if they have access to them, gang members. This may perpetuate a cycle of violence in relationships and may have an impact in social situations if there is a perceived threat or a possible loss of face.”
Van Schalkwyk said while the extent of fatherlessness in South Africa appears overwhelming, “there’s so much opportunity for South African men to become part of the solution and contribute to healing the generation now, and those to come”.
“To walk this journey over time with a boy is enriching for our mentors, and we hope to see many more South African men step up to the challenge of becoming intentional, committed and accountable social fathers.”
David Mokoka grew up in a Johannesburg children’s home from the age of three years and has never known his parents.
Mokoka, who is now 20, joined the TCC programme at 12, with anger issues and challenges in defining his identity.
“When I started with TCC, I had a lot of energy like any boy. I just wanted to climb trees, and you are not allowed to do that kind of thing when you live in a children’s home, there are a lot of rules that can be oppressive.
“So the programme was a great relief to me. Even though we have structure and rules of behaviour, from where I came from, I had never felt so free.
“Once I started learning the TCC values, my life started to change. I learnt to control myself better and how to keep strong feelings like anger contained.
“Watching how other boys would take in the message and give their testimony of how it had changed them, and how things had got better for them, I got inspired to also do better in my life.
“I was amazed that my mentors treated me kindly, and they were clearly good men. They say association breeds similarity, and I wanted to be like the TCC mentors and older boys, so I started to work on knowing my identity and using the five values also at school and at home.”
Mokoka realised that even though he didn’t know his parents, he could still build his own identity.
“Having the TCC mentors as role models has made me push for something really good in my life. One day, I hope that boys would look up to me the way that I have looked up to them.”
Brighton Mugomba, a 20-year-old IT student, was signed up to the programme by his mother when he was 11.
“At the time, I didn’t really understand why I was there, but my first reaction was to be excited. We got to do cool things with our mentor, Jaco, like rock climbing and mountain biking. This was important for me because I was a timid kid, and I didn’t have the confidence to try new things and get to know new people.”
Mugomba has also learnt how to overcome his fears and what the true meaning of masculinity is.
“So much about masculinity today on the internet is all built around the self. TCC has shown me that masculinity is actually about community and family. It has helped me to find the courage to trust other men, and to understand that masculinity is about the building of community, and to know that I have place there and discover how I can contribute to that.”
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