REVIEW | Why the Range Rover Sport Autobiography D350 is the perfect dance partner

As mid-September rolls around, I can usually count on two things. The first is being hit by a sudden and extremely aggressive form of hay fever guaranteed to make my eyes redder than those belonging to the zombies in Netflix's Black Summer.

The second is receiving a phone call from somebody looking to secure a vehicle in which to deliver their offspring to the matric dance. You know, something “special” that will stir up feelings of awe and envy in equal measure.

This year it came from a former TimesLIVE lensman I have known for more than 15 years.

He said he needed it to make a statement as the young lady his son asked out had left him in the lurch. Typical, I said. As such he had agreed to face high school’s social apogee with his best mate at his side: two young bucks unbridled by the burden of expectation and adolescent awkwardness to see the evening out however it unfolded.

Good call, I said, thinking back 23 years to my dance shared with a date who, aside from cooing at the extravagant corsage I presented her with, seemed crushingly indifferent to whether I was there or not.

So I reported for duty in a machine that has no problem elevating the social status of whoever’s lucky enough to be luxuriating in its capacious aft pew: a Range Rover Sport Autobiography.

Less chav than a shouty Mercedes-Benz G-Class, more stately than a Porsche Cayenne, this apex SUV has become something of a design icon over the years thanks to its instantly recognisable silhouette: a slab-sided assemblage of clean sheet metal, muscular shoulder lines and a boxy visage squinting through digital LED headlights with the restrained aggression of an off-duty special forces operative in a Saville Row suit.

Suffice to say my teenage cargo were impressed. More so at the Sport’s interior, which is about as cushy as you could hope a vehicle cabin to be in 2024. Peer through the privacy glass and you’ll be met by a vestige of Semi-Aniline leather, carbon fibre veneers and lashings of cool-to-the-touch aluminium brightwork polished to perfection.

There’s also configurable ambient lighting, a panoramic glass sunroof and heated/ventilated rear seats with a power recline function. Flipping open the leather-lined armrest positioned between the 22-way adjustable, massaging front seats reveals a mini fridge to keep your beverages cold.

Young people love tech, the suited dudes in the back quickly taking note of the Sport’s digital instrument cluster and gigantic 13.1" touchscreen granting access to the carmaker’s Pivi Pro infotainment system — the “mainframe” controlling everything from HVAC and entertainment settings to drive profiles and ride height. I said I was more of an analogue guy who favoured old-school buttons and sliders over zeros and ones.

Be this as it may, I must admit the chaps at Jaguar Land Rover have done a fine job engineering a software ecosystem that is simple to navigate and familiarise yourself with — even for a techno-peasant such as myself.

Personally, I was more taken with the Sport’s engine. In D350 specification this takes the form of a 3l twin-turbocharged six-cylinder diesel making 350kW and 700Nm. While it doesn’t sound like much on the outside — delivering the two lads to their swish Hout Bay venue was a classic case of seen but not heard — it delivers a mighty driving experience.

After ditching my chauffeur’s hat, I headed out into the Karoo and was blown away by the amount of pulling power. Whether blasting up the Du Toit’s Kloof pass or overtaking long lines of lumbering trucks down Route 62, it endows this hefty 2.3-tonne megalith with a deceptive turn of pace. Frugal, too. Meshed to an eight-speed ZF automatic gearbox I averaged an eyebrow-raising 8.9l/100km over 503km without even trying.

While I’m on the subject of dishing out praise, the dynamic air suspension deserves a shout-out. Capable of raising/lowering the vehicle’s ride height via three factory set modes (access, normal, off-road), it features switchable volume air springs that adapt to a spread of different driving scenarios.

In layman speak, this means you can go from the bump-soaking compliance you want around town to the corner-carving firmness necessary for dissecting a technical mountain pass. It works well and endows this Range Rover with a pleasing duality.

Well, up to a point. When really pressing on, you might find the lack of steering feel (there’s a distinct numbness around the centre point and upon initial turn in) somewhat disconcerting as you don’t have a good grasp at how much grip you have left in those 285/40 R23 Pirelli Scorpion Zeros — not ideal when you are tillering more than two tonnes of machinery at speed. No, if you want a sharper SUV driving experience then you will still be better served by a Cayenne.

If this isn’t right at the top of your priority list, then the R2,527,300 Range Rover Sport D350 will suffice. Blending ample performance (0-100km/h in 5.8 seconds, 234km/h top speed) with outstanding economy, it’s a luxury SUV you won’t regret parking in your garage. Well, until September rolls around again and you start fielding those inevitable phone calls.