Advice for parents as Matric Rage week kicks into high gear

As the class of 2023 put their pens down with the last of their National Senior Certificate exams behind them — so the annual matric rage week began, heralded by pens down parties, book burning celebrations and road trips across the country. 

Thousands of 18-year-olds have headed out on the first unsupervised holidays — no longer minors, many of them newly licensed drivers and all old enough to drink. One of the largest of the popular events is the Rage Festival taking place over nine days in Ballito, Umhlanga and Durban, attended by more than 13,000 youth aged between 18 and 25. 

The education department has published warnings to matrics, including messages like “Pens down parties may lead to rape,” “Pens down parties may lead to loss of life,” and “Pens down parties may lead to death,” with reminders that many youngsters lost their lives in recent years. 

But while warnings abound for teenagers and young adults blowing off steam, not much acknowledgment or advice has been put out for the parents and guardians who have spent the past year packing lunch boxes, feeding and nurturing their youngsters through mammoth study sessions and exam after exam. Now suddenly they’re expected to let go and trust that their offspring will come to no harm. 

“It’s really hard. I think I am more of a helicopter parent than a more relaxed mom, able to just let their kids go unsupervised. I like to make sure everything’s okay,” said Nadine Pace, parent of twins Connor and Owen Pace who have just matriculated from Northcliff High School in Johannesburg. 

She is currently staying nearby the Pace family beachside holiday home in Salt Rock in KZN, where a group of matriculants are on matric vac. 

“When my daughter matriculated, I took off work and drove her and her friends down to the coast and then flew home. Another mom stayed nearby, and another drove them all safely back. This year we did the same — we organised the boys in a convoy and drove down with them because they have actually only had their licences for a short while, they’ve never driven far and the roads are so dangerous,” she said. 

Now on holiday, she takes morning walks past the teenager-filled house. 

“The Rage Festival is just up the beach, and every morning it’s just empty beer bottles as far as the eye can see, and bodies passed out on the beach. Last night there was a bad accident here and three kids died and three are in ICU. I mollycoddled my kids through matric, so I am not about to let them write themselves off,” Pace told TimesLIVE Premium. 

Cape Town psychiatrist Dr Terri Henderson, who specialises in treating children and adolescents, said the annual end-of-matric partying was a big tradition for most. But it’s the teens who regularly get drunk and don’t follow the rules, those who had never been allowed to misbehave and suddenly are in a situation where are able to do what they want and are pressured let loose, and those who are not good at managing bad situations, who are most at risk of coming to harm. 

“You get parents who find ways to cope, like staying in the area where they can keep a check on things, or who put tracking apps on their kids cars and phones, and who constantly check in on them,” she said, explaining that the best strategy was to make sure their children felt safe to tell them if things go wrong. 

“Parents need to understand that their children are now 18 and can make their own decisions. But their brains are not yet fully developed so they will do silly things. But they need to be able speak up without fear if things go wrong — if they have taken something or have had unprotected sex with someone they don’t know. 

“At their age, behaviour is on another level. They want to get high, boys get drunk and want to beat each other up, and girls go all out to snog as many people as they can in a night. It’s quite revolting,” she said. 

Joburg clinical psychologist in private practice Liane Lurie said parents were best advised to share their fears and concerns with other parents. 

“It’s important not to pass your own anxiety on to your children. Understand that this is their first taste of real freedom. You can lecture them til you’re blue in the face, but they need to experience things for themselves. If you come down hard on them or refuse to let them go, you risk years of relentless resentment.” 

She acknowledged the difficulties of parents, but encouraged them to talk to others “who are on the same page and stay away from those who catastrophise everything”. 

“Basically parents need to distract themselves this week. You have become so used to giving and giving and suddenly you’re not needed. Take this time to engage with new things, reconnect with your partner and don’t imagine worst-case scenarios.

“Congratulate yourself for getting through matric and understand that for many of the friends, this is the last chance they have to be together before they head off to study or work or leave the country.

“It’s the end of childhood and that’s incredibly confronting,” she said.