‘He was angry that I did not see him when he came to visit’: aunt left in the dark about nephew’s safety in DRC

A family is left agonised with worry and uncertainty as they are not sure if their loved one is still alive after they last heard from him on Monday shortly before more South African National Defence Force (SANDF) members were killed in the DRC.

Caroline Kordoms from the Western Cape has been living with the regret that she did not see her nephew, 33, when he returned home to Upington in the Northern Cape in November last year.

She said she and his grandmother had raised her nephew since he was eight years old.

In March last year, he was deployed to the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC). He left his daughter, 6 and his wife, who is also an SANDF member, behind in Upington.

However, on Monday, her nephew, whom she did not want to name, sent her a text message saying he was hiding in the bunkers at the base in Goma.

This was just before the SANDF announced that three soldiers were killed when M23 rebels launched a mortar bomb on Goma Airport which landed on the SANDF base.

“He told us that he was OK and they were in the bunker. This was before they announced that some had passed away. To be honest, we don’t know what is going on. This morning, a general at the Upington base where his wife works called for a prayer meeting but didn’t tell them anything . All we know is what is on social media and in the news. We really don’t know if he is still alive. We know they are running out of food because they only left with ration packs.”

Her biggest regret, however, was not being able to go to the Northern Cape to visit her nephew when he came home for a few days last year. It was her son who had spent the eight-day visit with him as she could not leave the Western Cape at the time.

The message she received from her nephew filled her with deep sadness, she told TimesLIVE Premium.

“My nephew video-called me and said: ‘I am still very angry with you because this could have been the last time you see me.’ Every time I think of those words, I just feel hurt,” she said.

She said she regarded her nephew as her eldest son and tried to remain strong for his wife and daughter, who are apparently not doing well.

“On Sunday morning, he video-called us to show us he was OK. We actually saw him. But now President Cyril Ramaphosa is sending condolences to those affected, but we don’t know anything. We don’t know if he is OK or not. I am trying to be strong for his wife, but you can tell in her voice that she is not OK. I plan to be with them next week. His daughter started grade R this year,” she said.

In Limpopo, a family had to cancel plans for a surprise birthday party for Matome Justice Malesa, who would have returned home next month in time to celebrate his 44th birthday on February 25.

Malesa, a married father of three children, was one of the nine soldiers who lost their lives on Friday after two days of fierce fighting between the SANDF troops and the M23.

The family spokesperson, Mpho Monyela, who is also his cousin, said they grew up in the same house and were raised as twins as they were close in age.

He said Malesa, who had been with the SANDF for 20 years, had previously been deployed to Burundi and Rwanda, and this was his second deployment to the DRC.

He had previously said he hoped to remain in the country to spend more time with his family and his growing children.

But when he was asked to return to the DRC in January last year, he grabbed the opportunity as he was the sole breadwinner.

“They are deployed not by force but by choice. There is an incentive when they are deployed, which can make things easier at home and upgrade the lives and education of his children. I think he took that as an opportunity, and unfortunately, he didn’t make it this time,” Monyela said.

The family was expecting to see him next month as he was to return in the middle of February, where he would have been surprised with a birthday party towards the end of the month. This was to remind him of the love of his family and distract him from the tension of violence and war, Monyela said.

“We couldn’t spend Christmas or New Year with him and told ourselves that since this is his last deployment and they are returning next month, how about we prepare something to surprise him because we never had special moments with him. We have lost family members in his absence and sometimes didn’t want to tell him because we didn’t want to disrupt his deployment contract.

“We wanted to distract his mind from work and make him remember that there is life outside the base and things are different, and remind him of the culture and behaviour of those who are [civilians]. We wanted to celebrate him.”

Despite Monyela seemingly remaining strong when talking about Malesa, he admitted to TimesLIVE Premium that he was gutted by losing someone so close to him.

He said the rest of the family was devastated as they were looking forward to his return.

“I am very disturbed. We were close and we even started school together. We spent a lot of time together as if we were twin brothers. We used to speak every three days. He would make time to video-call us. But because I am a man, I have to show his children that I am strong which will teach them that we can overcome this. I have to set an example for them. But when I am alone, and the sun sets, I mourn in my own way.

“We are receiving a lot of support from his wife’s family, the community as a whole, church members and colleagues. We are comforted by them and their support is what keeps us going,” Monyela said.