A 17-year-old KwaZulu-Natal girl told a researcher she stayed with her abusive boyfriend, who beat her when she did not hand over her phone, because she needed money and feared being judged.
Her story is one of many that Noxolo Sibisi heard during her Master of Social Science research into intimate partner violence (IPV) among teenagers. Her dissertation, An Exploration of the Exposure of High School Teenagers to Gender‐based Violence with Specific Focus on Intimate Partner Violence: a Case of a Selected School in Inchanga, KwaZulu‐Natal, lifted the lid on an often-ignored crisis: young love tainted by control, coercion and abuse.
Sibisi, who recently crossed the University of KwaZulu-Natal graduation stage, said IPV is often overlooked in schools. Her study revealed a clear pattern of social, economic and cultural pressures shaping the way teenagers experience and normalise IPV.
“Many of these learners are growing up in homes where male dominance is considered normal. That idea gets carried into their own relationships, and girls in particular were vulnerable to manipulation — often mistaking controlling behaviour for love.”
“Some thought being told what to wear or who to talk to meant someone cared deeply about them,” she said. The harrowing case of the 17-year-old girl who feared losing money and being judged was not an isolated case. “It is a reflection of many teenagers’ reality. Economic hardship played a major role in sustaining abusive dynamics.
“Girls often entered relationships because they needed basic things, such as money for food or cellphone data. That made them feel trapped when abuse began. Boys, too, weren’t immune to toxic pressures, with some feeling they had to assert dominance to be seen as ‘real men’.”
Her study also looked at social media, which emerged as a “double-edged sword”.
“While it created awareness about GBV and allowed victims to seek support, it also served as a tool for control and harassment. Teenagers monitored each other’s online activity obsessively. Jealousy, digital blackmail, even public shaming — it all played out online,” said Sibisi.
Sibisi said despite the severity of IPV, school-based support was almost non-existent.
“Teachers were aware, but they didn’t know how to handle it. There were no programmes dedicated to IPV, only general anti-bullying campaigns,” she said. “And with the stigma around reporting abuse, many learners remained silent.”
“These young people were dealing with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and that started affecting their schoolwork. Some skipped classes or dropped out entirely. Social isolation was common, especially for girls who were cut off from their peers by possessive partners,” explained Sibisi.
Sibisi believes early intervention is critical. “Schools need to teach what healthy relationships look like. We also need peer-support groups, trained counsellors and parental involvement. Digital literacy is another essential tool. Teenagers need to know how to protect themselves online too.”
Sibisi said her research was inspired by what she saw happening around her.
“This includes rising cases of gender-based violence , especially in communities that are already facing economic and social challenges.”
She hoped her research would spark change. “IPV among teenagers is real, and it’s harming our future adults. We need to stop dismissing their relationships as ‘puppy love’ because for many, that love comes with fear, pain and silence,” she said.
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