As the South African National Defence Force (SANDF) prepares to honour its fallen peacekeepers, some of the members carry a silent burden — supporting grieving families while quietly nursing their own wounds as colleagues.
Behind the shining boots and crisp salute of Colonel-Reverend Masello Mothopeng is a woman who shoulders an often overlooked burden of comforting and supporting grieving families whose loved ones died while serving in the force.
Mothopeng, acting chaplain-general of the SANDF, knows what it means to stand strong in the face of tragedy and does not imagine herself outside the force despite the challenges.
“It's a calling. We are called to do this and we are doing it with pride. We are doing it as we cry, we wipe our tears, but we move forward. And what is important, what makes a chaplain sleep well at night, it's when the unit members and their families are OK,” she said.
Mothopeng has served in the military since 2002 and leads a team of chaplains responsible for offering spiritual and emotional support to soldiers and their families — before, during and long after deployment.
She acknowledged that in the face of growing losses, including the recent deaths of South African peacekeepers in Goma in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, the burden on chaplains and social workers becomes heavier, but they stand strong as they are called to serve.
“Remember that these men and women left their families and their country and came back in coffins, it's something that not only affects their families, but also the nation at large. To lose one soldier is a lot because to train one soldier costs a lot and it takes time to prepare a soldier to be at that level of being a peacekeeper.”
“So losing one soldier is a lot, and losing as we have lost in this year, it's something that affects the entire defence force, the entire nation,” Mothopeng said.
Though the work is painful, Mothopeng sees it as a calling, not a job.
“It's not a job, it's a service. The defence force is a family — when one gets hurt, it affects all of us. So we do it seamlessly.”
She said support was also offered to chaplains who suffer emotional distress from their work.
“We support the families and we support our chaplains. We have a programme of care of the caregivers, because these chaplains, we see them as wounded healers. They are also wounded but have to heal others, because some of them were close to the unit members. They work closely with them and now there is a situation and the commander will be looking at the chaplain to stand tall and be able to manage the situation — to also handle the families.
“So when the chaplain is down there, there is a chaplain who must be supporting that chaplain. We call it the care of the caregivers. And from time to time, we take our chaplains away on spiritual retreats, where they go out of the normal environment, away from home just to recuperate and come back and continue the work,” she said.
She said what keeps her going is seeing someone she helped being able to smile again.
Part of Lt-Col Conny Mekgoe’s job is to help grieving military families navigate the emotional toll of losing a loved one in the line of duty.
The seasoned SANDF social worker, who joined the military in 1996, plays a critical role in guiding bereaved families through the painful journey of loss, from the moment a soldier dies during deployment until long after the funeral.
“We prepare the family emotionally before anything is shared with the media or the broader community. Our chaplains and social workers reach out to the family first, offering grief counselling and trauma debriefing. We offer psychosocial support, even years after the loss,” she said.
She explained that the process begins even before the body of the deceased is received.
Mekgoe said families are brought together for formal grief counselling and when it’s time for body viewing, they are emotionally prepared and consulted on whether they wish to proceed.
“They always want to view, they want closure, to see and confirm it’s really their loved one,” Mekgoe said.
She said once the funeral has taken place, families are referred to provincial support teams where social workers and multidisciplinary professionals provide ongoing care.
Mekgoe, who has served in deployments to Burundi and worked on pre- and post-deployment support programmes, is passionate about serving in uniform.
“I love the military. I’ve always wanted to be part of this organisation. If I could choose another career, I’d still stick with my profession.”
Behind the uniform, major Maria Molefe, a social work area manager in the Free State, is a mother, daughter, sister and proud soldier.
She said her strength lies in her family — the unwavering support system that helps her balance the demands of military life with the responsibilities of motherhood and caregiving.
“I have a mother, a brother, a sister, my little sister, my daughter and my five-year-old son. They are my support system, along with my colleagues,” she said.
She joined the force in 2011, driven by a deep sense of purpose.
“Social work is a calling for me. We empower and enhance the wellbeing of our members so they can deal effectively and efficiently with life’s challenges. Everyone has social issues — they’re part of life. We’re here to help them cope,” Molefe said.
As an area manager, her responsibilities include trauma counselling and family support among others. Though the work can be emotionally taxing, she said she stays strong with support from her colleagues.
“We are trained social workers. We must be objective when rendering services. But we also support one another. When I deal with traumatic incidents, I go to my colleagues for debriefing. That’s how we cope — by standing together,” she said.
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