Extreme acts such as a man setting himself and his family on fire are often driven by deep psychological distress, untreated mental illness and unresolved trauma, according to experts.
A man died after setting himself, his lover and their two-year-old toddler alight on June 12 in Leslie, Mpumalanga, after accusing the woman of infidelity during an argument at their residence. According to police, the 30-year-old man allegedly poured petrol over himself and the woman, who was holding the child, and ignited the fuel. The woman was able to flee the scene and asked nearby relatives for help. The man was identified as John Masuku.
Over the past years, there have been similar incidents involving men killing their partners and children due to various reasons.
Marlon Botha, Father's Matter consulting counselling psychologist at Heartlines, said often a history of untreated depression, personality disorders or psychosis may intersect with acute triggers such as infidelity, perceived betrayal or loss of control. This convergence can result in a catastrophic psychological breakdown, where violence becomes the default reaction.
Botha said warning signs in men experiencing a severe psychological collapse often include prolonged social withdrawal, intense mood swings, paranoia, increased substance use or expressions of hopelessness or rage.
“These can easily be missed or misattributed to stress, especially in rural or low-resourced communities. Unresolved trauma, especially from childhood or abusive environments, can fester silently, leading to violent or self-destructive behaviour when triggered. In men, this is often masked by stoicism or anger (conventional ‘macho’ masculinity) due to cultural expectations and stigma,” he said.
Anisa Moosa, national coordinator at the National Shelter Movement of South Africa, said such tragedies are rarely spontaneous.
“In our experience working with GBV shelters across South Africa, they often stem from a combination of untreated or undiagnosed mental illness, unresolved trauma and a sense of loss of control, often triggered by perceived betrayal, rejection or emotional instability.
“But we must also say clearly: many of these acts are not simply the result of ‘snapping’ — they are rooted in deeply patriarchal ideas of control, ownership and entitlement,” she said.
When women try to leave abusive relationships, or when the abuser’s control is challenged, that was often the most dangerous time, she said. These murder-suicides reflect a pattern seen repeatedly, not just mental distress, but also a dangerous belief system where the abuser would “rather destroy the family than lose control of it”.
Both mental illness and immediate life stressors can play a role, but cautioned against conflating mental illness with violence, said Moosa.
There is a severe lack of trained mental health professionals, limited access to psychiatric services and a scarcity of affordable or culturally sensitive interventions. In my experience, such tragedies often arise from both chronic, untreated mental illness and very intense and overwhelming, immediate psychosocial stressors
— Marlon Botha, Father's Matter consulting counselling psychologist at Heartlines
“Not all people with mental illness are violent, and not all violent people are mentally ill. In many cases, we see a background of emotional volatility, coercive control, misogyny and sometimes violent ideation long before the tragedy. Immediate stressors like job loss or financial pressure can worsen an already unstable situation — but they’re usually the tipping point, not the root cause. What’s missing is a safety system that identifies high-risk behaviour early and responds decisively.”
Dr Mary Kgole, a lecturer in the department of social work and criminology at the University of Pretoria’s faculty of humanities, said research shows that the significant drivers of violence against women included socioeconomic ills such as poverty, unemployment, history of trauma and unprocessed economic challenges. That includes the unequal distribution of power and resources between men and women — patriarchal societies that promote adherence to rigidly defined gender roles and identities.
While there are varied indicators of severe depression and mental breakdown, a severe mental breakdown, also known as a mental health crisis or nervous breakdown, could manifest in various ways, but common warning signs included significant changes in mood, behaviour and physical wellbeing. Some of the most common signs could be related to substance (drugs and alcohol) abuse.
“These changes can include intense fear or worry, problems with concentration and memory, unusual beliefs and a sense of detachment from reality. Additionally, changes in sleep and eating habits, increased sensitivity to stimuli and social withdrawal are also key indicators,” Kgole said.
Suicidal ideation/thoughts, self-harm or harming others are also linked to severe mental breakdown, she said. “This is a serious sign and requires immediate professional help.”
Trauma in men can lead to a range of psychological consequences, including emotional dysregulation, negative self-perception, depression, anxiety, substance use disorders and difficulties in relationships, she said.
“These impacts can significantly affect various aspects of a man's life, from his emotional wellbeing to his ability to form healthy connections with others.”
According to Kgole, more often partner-initiated break-ups can heighten the risk of intimate partner violence and domestic violence, especially if the man struggles to accept the rejection.
“The experience of rejection and loss can significantly damage a man's self-worth and confidence, which may result in violent coping mechanisms. ‘If I can’t have you, no-one will’ is another emotional baggage from a failed relationship that can make it challenging for men to form healthy new connections and resort to drastic, violent measures.”
It is also important to note that men might be less likely to seek help for mental health issues due to societal expectations of stoicism and self-reliance, she added.
“It is important to offer and support men to navigate the emotional challenges of relationship breakdown.”
According to Botha, in places like Leslie, rural mental health infrastructure is often underdeveloped, which is commonplace in most townships.
“There is a severe lack of trained mental health professionals, limited access to psychiatric services and a scarcity of affordable or culturally sensitive interventions. In my experience, such tragedies often arise from both chronic, untreated mental illness and very intense and overwhelming, immediate psychosocial stressors,” he said.
Unaddressed childhood trauma — including neglect, abuse, or witnessing violence — can play a big role. When a relationship breaks down, it can trigger a crisis of identity or control, and some men resort to extreme violence as a way to reassert power or ‘punish’ those they blame for their pain
— Anisa Moosa, national coordinator at the National Shelter Movement of South Africa
Stigma remains a huge barrier, particularly for men, who may view emotional vulnerability as weakness, preventing them from seeking help until it’s too late.
Botha said early intervention in low-income communities requires awareness training for families, school staff, faith leaders (even informal settings like shebeens, car washes and so on) and the integration of mental health education into existing community structures.
Models such as community health worker programmes and mobile mental health clinics, community champions (especially well-regarded men) have shown promise in similar contexts and, if properly supported, could help prevent such devastating outcomes in the country.
Moosa said many men do not present with typical signs of sadness or anxiety. She also notes that depression in men could look like anger, aggression, emotional shutdown, or risky behaviour.
“They might withdraw, become increasingly controlling, or use alcohol and drugs to cope. Our shelter partners often report that family members noticed ‘something was off’ — but didn’t know it could escalate to violence. Mental health stigma, especially in men, silences the exact conversations that could prevent harm. We need public education that helps people recognise danger signs in both victims and perpetrators,” she said.
According to Moosa, South African men were often raised under rigid gender expectations — taught to suppress emotion, avoid vulnerability and assert dominance. When trauma or loss occurrs, those without support or emotional literacy could lash out violently.
“Unaddressed childhood trauma — including neglect, abuse, or witnessing violence — can play a big role. When a relationship breaks down, it can trigger a crisis of identity or control, and some men resort to extreme violence as a way to reassert power or ‘punish’ those they blame for their pain.”
Stigma is one of the prevalent deterrents in the pursuit of mental health among men, added Kgole.
“In addition, because of strongly rooted cultural norms and a lack of mental health awareness, South African men have a difficult time getting care for mental health difficulties. Despite having serious mental health issues, these reasons frequently cause men to put off or avoid getting professional care.”
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