It’s every Gen-Xer’s worst nightmare. Your elderly relative, naive to the treacherous ways of the internet and far too trusting of official-looking documents, falls prey to a wildly unhinged conspiracy theory, goes on eNCA to expound in credulous and yet sexy tones about said conspiracy, gets hailed by the Zupta faction as a teller of truths and then has to retreat in disgrace to their palace with nothing to get them through their autumn years but millions and millions of rand.
Yes, Tokyo Sexwale has had a rough week, but not as rough as his younger family members, who have no doubt spent the past few days reminding him, with very forced smiles and gentle voices, that if he’s ever unsure he should just forward the e-mail to them or to the 700 lawyers and/or accountants he employs, FFS.
The details of the whole fiasco are still oddly sketchy.
We don’t know, for example, why eNCA invited Sexwale to wax fantastical without at least skimming through documents suggesting the whole thing was run by an outfit called “Spiritual White Boy Trust”.
I mean, I’m a fairly spiritual white boy, but if I sent you an e-mail claiming Standard Bank was hoarding $3-trillion and that this stash was part of a much bigger stash owned by the Illuminati (thanks, thoughts and prayers to Business Insider’s Philip de Wet who trawled through that muck to reveal its connections to QAnon and 4Chan), I hope you wouldn’t lunge for your phone and demand an interview with eNCA.
We also don’t know why Sexwale didn’t run any of this past any of the people he pays to prevent him from looking like a rube. Or is this simply the level at which South African oligarchs operate? And if it is, how fast can I have some new business cards printed, reading: “Emotional White Boy Inc, Supplier of Nonspecific Services to the Credulous Gentry”?
We do, however, know a few things for sure.
The radical economic transformation mob was explaining that Tokyo Sexwale had unearthed proof that President Cyril Ramaphosa's administration was stealing from the poor, an appalling crime in the eyes of RET followers, who believe that if anyone should be stealing from the poor, it should be them.
We know, for example, that if Sexwale was being honest with eNCA, he tried to tell his explosive news to the finance minister and that Tito Mboweni had done nothing about it. We can also be fairly certain that Mboweni did nothing because he was too busy trying to catch his breath as he wheezed: “Oh Tokyo, my god, I haven’t laughed like that since Nomvula Mokonyane tried to explain to me how she’d pick up the rand.”
Thanks to the inevitable blowback on social media, we also know Sexwale isn’t the only gullible South African out there.
Within hours of the news breaking, the radical economic transformation (RET) mob was on Twitter, explaining that Sexwale had unearthed proof that President Cyril Ramaphosa’s administration was stealing from the poor, an appalling crime in the eyes of RET followers, who believe that if anyone should be stealing from the poor, it should be them.
But things really kicked off when the RET rocket scientists found a Twitter account called @TokyoSexwaleSA. It didn’t matter that it was clearly labelled “Parody” or that it had only been created on Monday. All that mattered was that it was criticising the media and Ramaphosa and praising former president Jacob Zuma.
At times, the irony was almost surreal. One of the account’s first tweets read: “Journalists used to expose corruption and politicians used to play the defense role. Now politicians expose corruption, journalists play the defense role. Consumers of information don’t have an independent mind. Their perception is shaped by propaganda.”
This, posted on a fake account pretending to be someone who was suckered by a conspiracy theory invented by professional idiots and misanthropic propagandists, was liked 7,000 times.
No sooner had the account started gaining traction (on Wednesday afternoon it had just more than 11,000 followers) than its creator added a link to his website: an online shop.
And there we were: the RET faction getting whipped up and played by a dishonest businessman.
Now where have we heard that story before?
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.