TOM EATON | Sona would matter if SA’s doyen of maths and science were delivering it

It’s become increasingly difficult to care about the state of the nation address (Sona), mostly because it’s tough to watch a grown man sit on Taxpayer Santa’s knee for an hour: “I want a pony! And the Barbie Spa Day set! And the fourth industrial revolution!” But fear not, for there is inspiration at hand from the state’s information ministry.

Earlier this week, apparently aware that South Africans are nearing peak gatvol with President Cyril Ramaphosa and his impression of a houseplant, the comms ministry sent out a tweet announcing: “Here is why SONA Matters,” with a capital M for extra oomph.

Attached to this tweet was a very handsome infographic, reiterating the point with the header: “SONA: WHY IT MATTERS.”

By this point I was in a frenzy of anticipation and eagerly read on, encountering seven reasons SONA Matters, each decorated with a little graphic which made the reason SONA matters matter even more interesting.

First, I read, SONA Matters because “Informing public of government’s work in the past year”. Not the prettiest grammar any one got paid thousands to write, but I don’t need my progress report sense to make grammaticalish. Yes, one could argue that “work” isn’t really the right word to describe what the SA government does, but all in all this seems a fair argument for why SONA Matters.

Next I discovered SONA Matters because “Reflecting on the country’s domestic affairs and international relations”. Again, someone at the comms department needs to reflect on their relationships with the basic workings of language, but yes, I would agree it’s important for us to hear Ramaphosa’s version of domestic events, even if it’s the Purity baby food version of reality he gets spoon-fed by his handlers.

This, however, was where things started going off the rails like a train trying to pull into what used to be Roodepoort Station before it got ANC’d to death.

Because the next reason presented for why SONA Matters was that “It’s an important event in the national political programme of parliament”. In other words, it’s an important event because it’s an important event in parliament’s diary. Why is it important? Because it’s important. And it’s in the diary. Under “important events”. Which means it’s important.

And yet even that made more sense than the next reason, which simply read: “All 3 arms of the state: the Executive, the Judiciary, and the Legislature.” That’s it. Just three arms, sort of ... being there, like the three arms of some underwater creature that’s had its brain exploded by one of Gwede Mantashe’s seismic tests and has now washed up on the beach at East London.

I moved swiftly on to the next reason — “Two Houses of Parliament: National Assembly and National Council of Provinces” — and found myself wondering if I was reading an endorsement of Sona or an arsonist’s to-do list.

And then, at last, I found a true and wonderful reason SONA Matters. “Creating a transparency with the public and accountability on the part of the government,” read the graphic, and my mood lifted, because there is only one person in SA who can create a transparency with the public on live, nationally broadcast TV: the doyen of maths and science teaching, William Smith.

What a grand Sona it would be if Mr Smith and his overhead projector were brought out of retirement and given the podium, to create a transparency and explain to the gathered honourable members via smudgy blue pen that one plus one equals two and what goes up must come down.

Not that they’d understand him, of course, but how lovely it would be to see an actual expert for once.

Yes, Ramaphosa isn’t the only one who can close his eyes and dream of fantastical what-ifs ...