Charlize Theron has triggered outrage by dismissing Afrikaans as a language spoken by only 44 South Africans. This is a weird coincidence, since that’s almost exactly the same number of Americans who speak proper English, but I digress.
Appearing on a podcast this week, the Hollywood star also told hosts Jason Bateman and Will Arnett that her mother tongue is not “useful”, a claim which is patently false. Even non-native speakers understand how useful Afrikaans can be, whether to swear, to introduce Dutch tourists to their own 17th century history, or to force out a good cry, when you’ve realised that only Laurika Rauch or Coenie De Villiers can still make you feel something.
“Useful” is also a broad church. Granted, you’re not going to land a lot of roles in LA if you can only speak Afrikaans, but Theron must surely concede the possibility that her accented English, and Afrikaans’ reputation in Hollywood as the language of icy and mysterious villains in 1990s action flicks, made her fractionally more noticeable than all the American hopefuls.
Where things got really silly, however, was when Theron claimed that Afrikaans is a “dying” language, spoken “by about 44 people”, which will come as a great shock to the millions of South Africans who make it the country’s thirdmost-spoken language.
This is not the first time that Theron has hurt South Africans — at least 25 of us who watched Aeon Flux — but her comments this time seem certain to have lost her many local fans, as well as dramatically raised the chances of Steve Hofmeyr symbolically reversing his 4x4 over his Blue Ray of The Cider House Rules.
I understand the anger, but I’d like to play a role in one of Theron’s much better films — Devil’s Advocate — and suggest that people take her comments from whence they came, namely, a podcast.
This is not the first time that Theron has hurt South Africans — at least 25 of us who watched ‘Aeon Flux’ — but her comments this time seem certain to have lost her many local fans, as well as dramatically raised the chances of Steve Hofmeyr symbolically reversing his 4x4 over his Blue Ray of The Cider House Rules.
Many podcasts are a joy to listen to, but there are few things more exhausting, either to listen to or participate in, than the “Hey, wow, we’re just three famous pals hanging out, having a laugh and pretending to be interested in our guest” format.
The dance-monkey-dance pressure to be funny and witty is immense. Worse, all those beautifully written and exquisitely edited lines (and pauses) that made you famous on the screen in first place are gone, replaced by the flabby banality of real life.Very few people are fascinating and exhilarating to listen to. Very few of those can do it on cue. And yet performers understand that they are expected to perform; to avoid dead air at all costs; and so perhaps we can give Theron the benefit of considerable doubt, and believe that she lunged for what she thought was humour, opting for a self-deprecating (and slightly bored) swing at her past.
As it turned out, she missed and instead hit a lot of people who are worried that their language is under attack.
Luckily, this whole business will have hurt nothing except feelings. Afrikaans remains a major language in South Africa. Theron continues to be rich and famous enough not to have to care about what Afrikaans speakers think of her. And the rest of us continue to wait out the 72 hours until this story is forgotten.
Well, until Steve revs up his 4x4 ...
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