On Wednesday on the sidelines of police minister Bheki Cele releasing SA’s embarrassing statistics on crimes such as gender-based violence, actor-turned-producer Sonia Mbele offered a template of how to react when they learn their children, sons, brothers or fathers are alleged perpetrators of such crimes.
Mbele’s son, Donell, had been accused by his girlfriend, Reokeditswe Makete, of abuse. Makete had taken to social media to share graphic images, a video and text messages apparently supporting her allegations.
In one of the messages to her, allegedly from Donell, he says he no longer trusts himself around her because he “almost raped and killed her”.
Though Mbele was not directly implicated, she took it upon herself to release a statement where she boldly stood with Makete.
Her statement said: “Donell will face his demons and take accountability for his actions and let the law take its course. I refuse to raise a man like his father. Rehab, therapy and internal healing will prevail.”
The respected actress has on numerous occasions spoken out about the terrible, abusive relationship she had with Donell’s father in her youth.
In a society where a woman can be battered and bruised but the law still states everyone is innocent until proven guilty, it was commendable that Mbele took the facts as presented before her and did not allow the alleged abuser’s identity to change her tune on gender-based violence.
She somewhat took accountability for her son’s actions, highlighting how overlooking counselling for him and her own experience with abuse had perhaps affected him.
Donell will face his demons and take accountability for his actions and let the law take its course. I refuse to raise a man like his father. Rehab, therapy and internal healing will prevail.
— Actor/producer Sonia Mbele
Earlier this week, however, we also saw the story of male grade 11 pupil Bafana Sithole from Hoërskool Kriel in Mpumalanga. He allegedly hanged himself with his school tie in a classroom storeroom last week. While the department of education confirmed the suicide, it shied away from answering questions on allegations that Sithole had committed suicide after accusations that he had raped a schoolmate. Sithole was alleged to have left a suicide note addressed to his mother, wherein he vowed he had not committed the atrocious act he was accused of.
Sithole had reportedly suffered extreme backlash, even from the school, because of the unconfirmed allegations. After his death, protests erupted, with pupils marching to the police station, demanding action against all those involved.
Acting chairperson of the commission for gender equality Nomasonto Mazibuko has since said on the incident: “False rape accusations will undo the progressive work done to eliminate gender-based violence (GBV) and empower its survivors. Unfortunate incidents of this nature will further cause harm to the reality of rape and other sexual crimes in the country.”
While the true and accurate version of what truly happened may never be revealed, it is important that society teaches young girls the responsibility that comes with the rights they have been given. Their voices have never been more powerful.
Thousands of women in SA have been victims of GBV, and in a bid to curb this, society has become so sensitised to the emotions and wellbeing of women and young girls. While this is undoubtedly necessary, we should be cautious that this isn’t detrimental to young boys.
It is a tightrope to walk, but empowering girls should not result in boys feeling so powerless and voiceless that they are written off by society and labelled rapists, woman bashers and killers when in some instances, this may not be the case.
Leaving a young boy to fend for himself in a society that seeks to empower women is what will breed angry abusive men who at times express their frustrations on others If the equation of empowering a young girl isn’t properly balanced out, SA will become the perfect breeding ground for a fractured society.
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