In a dramatic escalation of its current tantrum, the ANC Youth League has vowed that Pravin Gordhan “will be stopped in his attempts to undermine the people of this country”, presumably because undermining the people of South Africa is the job of the ANC as a whole and not just Gordhan.
In a recent interview with City Press, new ANCYL president Not That Collen, Another Collen accused Gordhan of trying to “sell” the country’s state-owned enterprises, claiming that “one day we’ll wake up and hear that South Africans have been sold to another country”.
Understandably unhappy about being described as a potential human trafficker or slave trader by his party’s kindergarten, Gordhan demanded an apology on Monday.
The kids, however, are not all right, and this week toys are being thrown so hard that some are flying clear across the playroom and into the dress-up cupboard.
Consider, for example, the ANCYL in the North West, which released a statement on Wednesday titled “Pravin will not be allowed to bully all generations of the Youth League”.
The accusation of bullying made a lot of sense. When all you’ve known is the ANC, and all you’ve done since you were teenager is mainline the party’s hypocrisy and consequence-free worldview, it must feel terribly upsetting when you publicly imply that someone might become a slave trader and they then demand an apology.
They’re furious that just as they’ve reached the front of the queue, the old-timers in the ANC have got wasted on overpriced champagne and snorted all the coke and kicked over the candelabras and set the whole place on fire.
The reference to “all generations”, however, was less clear, especially since when one thinks of the ANCYL one imagines a fairly homogeneous group, namely people who want to pretend to be militant but who don’t have the conviction or the athletic ability to go and pretend to be militant with the EFF.
But of course, the unnamed secretary who wrote the piece was quite correct, because there are at least three generations within the league, which we can define as Might Still Have A Turn To Eat, Definitely Missed The Boat and Go Join The EFF While You Still Can But Maybe Do Some Cardio First.
Which brings me to the ANCYL’s main complaint, that Gordhan is responsible for wrecking our SOEs.
At first glance, it looks like cheap rhetoric, conveniently ignoring the roles played by Malusi Gigaba and Lynne Brown when they were minister of public enterprises. I’m also not sure that Gordhan is talented and efficient enough to ruin a whole SOE by himself.
I do, however, believe that the senior members of the ANCYL are telling the truth. I believe that they are genuinely furious that our SOEs have been brought so low.
They’re furious because it’s happened now; that just as they’ve reached the front of the queue, and that great glittering banquet hall has opened up, and they can almost taste the gravy and almost feel the leather seats of the private jets bound for Dubai, the old-timers in the ANC have got wasted on overpriced champagne and snorted all the coke and kicked over the candelabras and set the whole place on fire.
Of course, it’ll take time for the whole thing to turn to ash. The ANC might even win the next election. There’s still a year or two to dive in and pile up a plate or two. But the stately progression New Collen always dreamed of — Youth League into parliament, parliament into the pocket of some undemanding oligarch, and from there perhaps a cabinet post and a ministerial pension — well, all of that now lies in the ruins of our SOEs.
Yes, the Young Lions are angry. And if Pravin Gordhan doesn’t watch out, they’re going to be forced to write another press release, this time possibly with an even longer title.
Minister, you have been warned ...
