If the two little, er, objects displayed to Mexico’s government this week are proved, as claimed, to be the 1,000-year-old corpses of extra-terrestrials, it will be a massive relief for all of humankind.
On Tuesday, when journalist and UFO believer Jaime Maussan showed Mexican lawmakers the two little figures (imagine the rubber alien from “ET” getting left in a sandpit for two years and then getting put in the washing machine on the wrong cycle) he revealed a number of remarkable things.
The first is that the Steven Spielberg was absolutely right: of all the hundreds of thousands of forms life takes on Earth — and the millions of possible forms it might take in the universe — the form most likely to develop interstellar, light-speed travel has two arms, two legs, three fingers on each hand, two front-facing eyes, a nose for breathing air, and a mouth for chewing food and saying “Beeee goooood”.
The second remarkable revelation is that Mexico’s members of parliament might be even more useless than our own. Maussan has never pretended to be anything other than a hustler.
The second remarkable revelation is that Mexico’s members of parliament might be even more useless than our own. Maussan has never pretended to be anything other than a hustler — he did the same stunt back in 2017, when he showed off an “alien” corpse that was quickly revealed to be the mummified remains of a human child — but the reason he got all the way into Mexico’s parliament was because he was invited there by an MP who is a friend of his.
I mean, I know our lot can plumb pretty impressive depths but even I can’t imagine a South African parliamentary committee inviting Piet Rampedi to come and tell international media about how he’d found a woman who’d given birth to two sets of decuplet twins and was nursing 20 newborns.
The third thing Maussan revealed, however, is why I hope, despite all the evidence, that he isn’t a charlatan.
It is, simply, that we’re going to be OK. If these really are aliens, and not just dusty little sacks containing nothing but fantasy and fraud — or, more likely, the mummified remains of ancient children who underwent the traditional body modification techniques of the cultures they lived in — then an alien invasion should be the last of our worries.
Should they ever pancake down en masse, all we need do is build knee-high walls around our cities. Honestly, we could probably just dig a shallow ditch and be totally fine. Even if they somehow clamber over or across our micro-defences, and start marching on Johannesburg, half of them will starve to death after falling into potholes. And good luck getting over most suburban walls with three fingers, or squeezing that head through the cat flap.
No, if these little bits of humanoid biltong are from the stars, then we Earthlings have nothing to fear but fear itself. Well, that and Mexican MPs.
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