It is an article of faith in education circles that parents have a crucial role to play in education. For the record, I no longer believe that parents have a role to play in the schools where their children attend. First up, in most of our schools there are no parents. Children stay with grandparents, aunts, older siblings and other relatives. Many children stay in child-headed households.
Why this challenge to what many believe to be educational common sense? Quite simply, because we take positions and norm policies on middle-class standards. Mom, dad, house, car, dog and disposable income. How nice. But not real. It would be wonderful of course, but that is not our reality. My work in schools the past year has been a rude awakening.
In middle-class homes parents read to their children at night, a ritual that goes something like this. Parent reads book, child ask to re-read the same book (younger ones) or start a new one. The tired, bleary-eyed parent eventually switches off the lights or falls asleep alongside the over-energised young ones. How nice. But real for a minority.
Nope, parents can drag down a school. There are many who neither discipline their kids at home nor want the school to discipline their kids in the classroom. Serious.
Parents who did not complete primary or high school cannot read to their children let alone help with mathematics. Short of spectacular interventions, like MathMoms who teach unemployed mothers’ mathematics, parents of especially high schoolchildren in poor and working class homes simply cannot help. Wake-up call. Of course, parents can commandeer living spaces and insist that their offspring study, but where I now work even this kind of common sense that reassures us runs into trouble. Lots of over-age children in the senior grades; how does a parent tell a 19-year-old what to do? And how does a non-biological parent do that without risk of fightback (yes) or simple disregard.
What if parents are themselves dysfunctional? Chemically dependent and emotionally immature? Or self-indulgent and arrogant as in the case of wealthy parents who find great pleasure in telling teachers (and principals) about what to teach or how to teach and more. I listen regularly to some of our top schools tell me harrowing stories of parents who believe they know what is best for the child at school.
We need to dial down quickly on our expectations of parents — that they are inevitable partners in the nurturing of young minds. Not so. That partnership must be built and nurtured and that takes work. And since both teachers and parents are super busy, good luck.
Too many parents simply drop off their children at school with the attitude that you sort them out; call me when there is trouble. On the other hand, many times parents are the problem. They do not discipline their kids or put them into routines or demand that they do homework or go to bed early. I have seen more yawning children at 10am in the morning than in my entire life. Too many parents have absconded for me to believe that this set of ‘stakeholders’ can summarily be described as vital cogs in the school-home relationship. Wake up, please.
Poverty and privilege both have parents who need preparation for their partnership roles. I spoke this week to parents of one of our top schools on what privileged parents need to teach their children. Here we go. One, how to live with privilege. Two, how to live with others. Three, how to live with themselves. Parents need to hear this to be efficacious partners in the education of their children.
But do not assume all parents are the same, that all parents have the time for partnerships with teachers and their schools, or that there are parents who even care a damn. I was berated by a parent in a nightgown this week: “Why close the gates for the start of the school day? Let them come and go.” I lie you not.
Nope, parents can drag down a school. There are many who neither discipline their kids at home nor want the school to discipline their kids in the classroom. Serious. The department of basic education, renowned for their ability to be out of touch, proposed legislation that carried a stiff fine or a prison sentence for parents whose children miss school. As the kids say, Laugh Out Loud! As I pressed an official, what if the parent is already serving a sentence in the local prison?
We need urgently to rethink the role of parents in schools. A single policy measure based on classed assumptions is useless, even dangerous. The real possibility of parents staying away from schools should be a policy consideration in some contexts. We have left the age of innocence when it comes to the role of parents in schools. As that hobbled South African political saying goes — one size definitely does not fit all.
Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.
Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.