TOM EATON | Given SA’s diplomatic twists, take Maphwanya’s Tehran stance with a pinch of salt

SANDF boss GenRudzani Maphwanya is taking a beating after his dismal performance in Iran this week, with government ministries scrambling to distance themselves and the DA calling for a court martial. But I get it: sitting on that many fences is hard enough without trying to remember protocol. I mean, the chaffing alone would end me.

According to reports and some of the angry accusations being flung around, Maphwanya’s statements in Tehran veered dangerously into political territory as the general not only failed to stay in his lane but drove the bus of diplomacy straight into a wall, claiming that Iran was a friend and ally of South Africa, before insisting that “we always stand alongside the oppressed and defenceless people of the world”.

That last part is definitely true in the case of Iran. When its unelected government sends secret police to beat and murder the oppressed and defenceless Iranians, those officers often need to stand beside their victims because that’s how you get the really big hits and kicks in.

Likewise, when you’re hanging another group of dissidents, most of them from the ethnic minorities you target, you often have to stand next to them as you pull the lever.

Where South Africa stands, however, and why, is a lot more complicated, not least because of the ANC’s determination to remain a loyal ally to anti-imperial, revolutionary movements of the past while also claiming to be a champion of human rights.

It’s how we’ve ended up with some of the more absurd spectacles of recent years, where South Africa correctly denounces the violent and oppressive regime in Israel and then promptly shuffles off to back-slapping get-togethers with the violent and oppressive regimes in Iran and Russia.

Add to this the latest complication — South Africa trying to maintain all sorts of double standards while also staying on good terms with a United States that’s not only Israel’s biggest supporter but is also refusing to ignore some of our more odious friends — and you have a very hot mess indeed.

But if we’re going to throw around conspiracy theories, perhaps I can end by providing my own: what if Maphwanya was following orders?

All of which is why I don’t begrudge Maphwanya a momentary lapse as he tried to remember which fence he was currently sitting on, and why, and for how long.

Of course, incompetence or arrogance aren’t the only explanations. Given the SANDF’s current financial woes, it’s possible Maphwanya wasn’t sure he could get home and was merely buttering up his hosts in the hope that they’d spot him a few thousand gallons of jet fuel, or at least put him in a decent hotel until his generals passed around a hat and scraped the cash together to hire an Uber to the nearest Russian airbase.

Here at home, some of the more sweaty corners of social media are punting other motives: Maphwanya, they mutter, is working for a faction seeking to embarrass Cyril Ramaphosa and hurt his presidency by derailing South Africa's attempts to negotiate a deal with the US.

But if we’re going to throw around conspiracy theories, perhaps I can end by providing my own: what if Maphwanya was following orders?

This is pure speculation, but if I were the leader of a so-called revolutionary movement and wanted to demonstrate my solidarity with that club, as well as the Brics group, but I couldn’t do it formally for fear of enraging Donald Trump, I can imagine sending someone to Iran, someone who represented the state at a very high level but wasn’t part of my administration. Someone who was very good at following orders. Someone who was very close to retirement age, so if the whole thing blew up it wouldn’t cost him a career.

And if it did blow up, and he had to be sacked, well, who was really to blame? Me, or the bullying Trump administration and its counterrevolutionary supporters in the DA? And when you think about it, had this official been sacked in disgrace or had he become a martyr of global revolution, and didn’t martyrs need to be looked after in their retirements? Surely that would be the right thing to do?

As I say, pure speculation. But it’s no crazier than saying you support human rights while you’re friends with Iran.