Getting real about romance and relationships

Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo

The blurb to Adebayo’s critically acclaimed debut novel reads: “Ilesa, Nigeria. Ever since they first met and fell in love at university, Yejide and Akin have agreed: polygamy is not for them. But four years into their marriage — after consulting fertility doctors and healers, as well as trying strange teas and unlikely cures — Yejide is still not pregnant. She assumes she still has time — until her in-laws arrive on her doorstep with a young woman they introduce as Akin’s second wife. Furious, shocked and livid with jealousy, Yejide knows the only way to save her marriage is to get pregnant. Which, finally, she does — but at a cost far greater than she could have dared to imagine. The unforgettable story of a marriage as seen through the eyes of both husband and wife, Stay with Me asks how much we can sacrifice for the sake of family.”

Aftermath: On Marriage and Separation by Rachel Cusk 

In this book, Cusk offers an intimate exploration of divorce and its tremendous impact on the lives of women ― and discovers opportunity as well as pain. An unflinching chronicle of the upheaval of her own recent separation, Aftermath is also a vivid study of the complex place divorce occupies in our society. With candour as fearless as it is affecting, Cusk maps a transformative chapter of her life with wit and acuity, and in a way that will help readers understand their own similar experiences.

Love Life by Ray Kluun

An English translation of his Dutch novel Komt een vrouw bij de dokter (“A woman visits a doctor”), Kluun’s Love Life is a fictionalised non-fiction account of a man confronted with his wife’s terminal cancer diagnosis. Cool, sexy and wealthy, advertising yuppies Dan and Carmen lead the high life in Amsterdam, as committed to their careers and social life as they are to their young daughter, Luna. The philandering Dan’s response to Carmen’s breast cancer diagnosis is in equal parts infuriating (he continues cheating on her) and heart-rending (he patiently and unwaveringly supports her throughout her chemotherapy and radiation treatments). Ultimately, Kluun’s narrative is a painful, real and honest portrayal of love, human fallibility and the acceptance of mortality.

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado 

“Before it was a verb, ‘gaslight’ was a noun,” the acclaimed US author, essayist and critic Carmen Maria Machado observes in her ingeniously constructed memoir. Yes, the definition of ‘gaslighting’ has changed over the decades, and it is the contemporary understanding Machado details in raw, agonising and lucid prose — the torturous experience of being immured in an emotionally abusive same-sex relationship that led her to question her sanity and left her stripped of her agency. (May this reality serve as a word of caution to those who blithely use the phrase “loss of agency” as a cop-out reason for breaking up with that “one crazy ex”.) Though In the Dream House explores emotional abuse in a lesbian relationship, the psychological violence Machado was subjected to is equally prevalent in and applicable to all relationships, regardless of sexual orientation.

The Kitchen Shrink: How the Food We Eat Reveals Who We Are — And How We Love by Andrea Oskis

A psychotherapist, food writer and professional cook, Oskis shows us how the food we eat reveals how we love. By sharing her own food story about love and loss, Oskis invites us to lie down on her therapy couch and, according to the blurb, “tells us the real reason why comfort food comforts; why dessert isn’t a good idea when you’re stressed; what makes children feel obliged to eat their greens; and why you should never give a bottle of hot sauce to someone who has been rejected”. Say bon appétit to nourishing relationships — with food and with thee.

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel 

Considered the doyenne of human relationships, Belgian-American psychotherapist Perel’s The State of Affairs explores the ultimate act of betrayal: cheating. Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Why do people cheat? Can an affair ever help a marriage? She poses all these questions and more to the reader while also questioning whether infidelity is uniquely iniquitous. While examining why people cheat and dissecting why affairs are so traumatic, Perel observed an unanticipated phenomenon — infidelity as an expression of longing and loss. This book is essential reading for anyone who has cheated or been cheated on, or someone seeking a new framework for understanding the complexities of relationships. 

Normal People by Sally Rooney 

Rooney has been said to be “the great millennial novelist”, and her second work of fiction explores the relationship between Irish teens Marianne and Connell. She is a wealthy, studious wallflower, while he is the athletic and well-liked son of the cleaner at Marianne’s house. Their tryst develops at Marianne’s “white mansion with a driveway” — and remains covert owing to the stark class differences between them. After high school, the two attend Trinity College Dublin, where they continue to navigate their relationship with each other — and themselves. As relevant to Gen Xers as it is to millennials, Normal People is a tender and authentic depiction of the lasting impact a person can have on your life.

Should We Stay or Should We Go by Lionel Shriver 

Shriver has written a novel with a potentially morbid and depressing theme: a suicide pact between an elderly British couple, Cyril and Kay Wilkinson. The happily married and cheery twosome, who are partial to an evening tipple, are in their fifties when first introduced to the reader. Kay’s father (formerly a sharp-witted and cultured man) has recently died after years of suffering from Alzheimer’s, and his undignified and burdensome demise (“My father sucked so much life from everybody around him by the time he passed,” Kay says) results in the two medical professionals deciding to commit suicide when they turn 80. This is a story bound to have a fairly straightforward ending, you might think. Not so. Shriver envisions no less than 12 alternative potential futures for the couple, in the process exploring themes such as the inevitability of death and the nature of enduring love.