Sweet recipe for solace: Kim Ballantine on writing ‘Hot Tea and Apricots’

I was giving a talk at Bosom Buddies (an organisation which educates the public on breast cancer and breast health) when someone asked for my book. I said I did not have one. Their response was one of frustration and anger, which propelled me into crafting Hot Tea and Apricots: A Memoir of Loss and Hope.

Mute and sign language dependent, I had journaled my emotional struggles, captured moments and written short stories of my everyday interactions with my children and society to foster emotional connection with my husband. He struggled to lip-read me because, as a specialist physician, he worked long hours and was unable to attend sign language classes. Though he could not hear me speak, I was determined he would still know my voice.

Crafting a book involved taking this material and putting it into book format. It took a number of years as I had to relive moments that were deeply painful and difficult to revisit, but it contributed to my own healing and that of my family. Once complete, each of my family members was given a spiral-bound copy to proofread — it is not only my story, but also theirs.

You cannot always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond. One choice we made was to always embrace humour and so there are many moments of deep belly laughter, like the day we all skinny-dipped in a Swaziland stream and ended up in a full-blown mud fight; or the day I became the Queen of the Licking Game. Humour is so life affirming.

The book held many surprises for me: seeing the consistent faithfulness of God through years of struggle, the bravery of my husband and children, and the power of choice. The title came from an interaction with someone I had worked with and who insisted on meeting with me once a month. I had just spluttered coffee all through him and signed: “Why do you continue to meet me like this?” He explained how, while climbing Mt Elbrus, the highest peak in Russia, he realised his chance of summitting was slim. His sherpa stopped, gave him hot tea and apricots, and because of that gesture, he successfully summitted.

“Maybe that’s all I am doing, giving you hot tea and apricots on your journey. One day you will walk through our doors again,” he said. How right he was.

You cannot walk a journey like we did as a family without a community of people giving you encouragement each step of the way, so the title honours those who did just that. Our hope is that sharing our story will in turn be hot tea and apricots to others as they navigate the unique challenges they are facing.

Hot Tea and Apricots by Kim Ballantine is published by Nurden Cross.