‘The Dating Playbook’ by Dudu Nhlabathi-Madonsela

A long time ago, after a break-up, I made a promise to myself that I’d never lose who I am in the name of love again. So, I dove deep into learning about the art of attraction and how relationships really work.

Over the years, I started noticing how many women seem to struggle with dating. It was as if they were totally lost, and their love lives were always at the mercy of the guy. That got me thinking. I long ago decided that I was sent to Earth to propel mankind forward, and knew I had to share what I have learnt about the world. So, that’s how this book came about. It’s basically a dating manual, but I didn’t want to just throw out tactics without first helping people understand why they find dating hard.

That’s why I decided to start by exploring the deeper reasons — such as childhood and social conditioning — that can make love so complicated before sharing the tactics that could help them attract the partner of their dreams, and sustain the relationship. The thing that will surprise most readers is that I take no prisoners, and don't mince my words. My dad, my first hero, passed away while I was writing this book. I’m a total daddy’s girl, so when it happened, I went numb for a while. I had to dig deep to find the inspiration to keep writing. On top of that, my close friend was violently killed by her boyfriend. Can you imagine being a dating coach and losing someone like that? It really shook me.

As a dating coach, you get exposed to all sorts of stories; some people willingly open up about their personal lives, others come to you with all kinds of dilemmas. I love street food, by the way. My mom is kind of a snob when it comes to food, so I was always sneaking out to eat the good stuff on the streets during lunch breaks. Anyway, one day, while I was grabbing my favourite meal from a street vendor, the topic of my dating book came up. There was a man standing next to me, and I’ll never forget what he said. He looked at me and said: “I don’t know why women try so hard to figure men out. I’m a gay guy, and I can tell you this: I don’t get men either. If men can’t even understand each other, what makes women think they can?” Honestly, the more I think about it, he definitely had a point.

The Dating Playbook: How to Win at Mjolo and Love by Dudu Nhlabathi-Madonsela is published by Jonathan Ball Publishers