Baffling responses to column on strip clubs

Anyway, during that visit, I met a group of young Indian guys who asked me to write a column about the fact that Indian men also frequent strip clubs. The aftermath of that column was baffling. I had men writing in saying I had destroyed their marriages and women, on the other hand, were thanking me for bringing this to their notice. Either way, it seems I opened up a can of worms, and judging from the e-mails I've selected for today's column, those worms are pretty darn smelly.

INDIAN MEN ARE DOGS

"I am an Indian woman and I was disgusted with the contents of your column. Married Indian men who go to strip clubs are dogs. I don't care about men from other race groups who go to strip clubs and let me tell you why - Indian women are always viewed as those who carry the values and morals of our society. So, why don't Indian men do the same? They're disgusting. What's so enthralling about seeing women taking off their clothes? Especially if you're in a committed relationship? Indian women need to wake up and realise that while they're working, running their homes and being the keeper of our society's morals and values, their men are eyeballing naked women. Sies!" - N NAIDOO, Durban.

IT'S JUST A BIT OF FUN

"I've been married for two years and I go to strip clubs at least twice a month with my married friends. We go because we like to. We enjoy the shows and we get to socialise in a setting which is mature and fun. Yes, we go to see beautiful women, but that's that. None of the strip clubs we go to allow for anything else. So, where's the problem? Lolly Jackson always said that Teazers was the 'tease without the sleaze' and he was right. Where's the harm? No, my wife doesn't know that I go to strip clubs. She's a high-powered executive and is busy with her job. She thinks I'm going to meetings. I've never told her because all Indian women are the same - she will probably not like it at all. But, I'm doing nothing wrong - it's not like I'm having an affair. It's just a bit of fun." - WHY NOT? Johannesburg.

IT NEARLY DESTROYED MY MARRIAGE

"A few months after we got married, my husband began going to strip clubs with his friends. I knew about it and, to be honest, I think that I was so busy with setting up a home for us, I didn't really pay attention. It was only after a friend told me that women dance naked there, that it started to bother me. That, and the fact that he was going 'out with the boys' (all newly married, by the way) almost every week. It just wasn't on. We spoke about it and he always said there was no harm because he was still coming home to me. I felt resentful and angry because while he was out looking at other women, I was at home fulfilling my responsibilities as a wife. We fought about it for months and I began to see strip clubs as 'the other woman' in our marriage. After the birth of my daughter, I gave him an ultimatum - it was either us or strip clubs. It's been six years, he says he doesn't go anymore, but how would I know? - VT, Durban."

GET OVER YOURSELVES!

"Your column has caused huge problems in my marriage. After my wife read it, she asked me if I've ever been to a strip club. When I told her I go now and again, she went crazy. I thought honesty was the best policy. I don't understand why woman have such a problem with strip clubs? It's not like I'm having an affair. I would understand her anger if I had some other woman on the side. At the end of the day, I go to strip clubs and come home to her. What's the big deal? Boys will always be boys and women need to get over themselves." - JUST A BOY, Johannesburg.

BOYS WILL BE BOYS?

"To all married men who go to strip clubs, I have one question for you: how would you feel if your wives went to male strip clubs? Often? Point made. If you want to stay married, stop making excuses and grow up. If you want to be single, carry on with your perverted ways. There's plenty fish out there and not all of them are sharks like you!" - MAGGIE, Johannesburg.

WIVES ARE TO BLAME

"Don't waste time getting technical. If men were getting what they wanted at home, they wouldn't need to go to a strip club. Finish and klaar." - MN, Durban.

DON'T MAKE EXCUSES!

"I'm in a relationship for four years and the only person I drool over is my partner. It would be treachery to sit and drip with desire for any other person. Men say they're 'just looking' but given half a chance, would they say NO for a romp with those girls? I doubt it. There's nothing wrong with recognising beauty. My partner doesn't think it wrong of me if a woman walks past us and I make a comment on her beauty. It is, however, different to go to a place where the ONLY aim is to look at 'forbidden fruit'. I also do not have an issue with nudity. There are times in movies and art where nudity is shown and if in context, it is beautiful. But there's no 'art' in a naked woman making sexual gyrations on a pole. It implies sex, sex and nothing more. News for the late Mr Jackson and his patrons - no matter how you market the club, 'the teaze without the sleaze' - the only thoughts in a man's mind is SLEAZE. We also know you are what you think. Sorry guys, you can make the place as up-market as you like but it is still a sleaze joint for sleaze bags who cannot find a person to love or who do not have enough respect for the ones they love." - D, Bloemfontein.

OH, SO IS IT MY FAULT?

"Thank you for writing that column. I commented on the column to my husband and he looked a bit guilty. I sussed him out and he told me he went to strip clubs at least once a month. I was shocked. We have been married for 12 years and, in my opinion, we have a very healthy relationship. I couldn't understand why he goes and I automatically blamed myself. He says he likes going because: they have nice food, he doesn't look at the girls and his mates have fun. What nonsense. For me, this is a betrayal of our marriage. To be blunt, he gets everything he needs at home, so why does he go? I still don't know. He doesn't like you very much and he used to be an absolute fan. But, thank you for letting us know. I just wish somebody had brought this to my attention years ago." - BETTY, Johannesburg.

IT'S ONLY FOR LOSERS!

"I think if you're single, it's fine to go to strip clubs. If you're married, it's not on at all. I'm 27, single and me and my friends go very often. Yes, for us, it is to see girls getting naked. We go because we are obviously a bunch of losers who have no girlfriends. To the women out there - only losers go to strip clubs. Take it from us, we're losers and if we were any better, we'd all have girlfriends and would stay at home!" - KT, Boksburg.

• Ok, so there it is. Not sure if I want to continue with this discussion, but, perhaps, we should? Over to you. Buzz me via e-mail.

To female readers of this column, happy Women's Day for tomorrow. May you be blessed with strength, courage and continued vision, not just for yourselves, but also for those around you because, as we all know, if it weren't for us, life just wouldn't be the same.

• Devi's e-mail address is: devi.sankaree@intekom.co.za