The List: Atrocious accents

Any list of the most appalling accents ever heard on film is certain to contain at least one Hollywood attempt at the notoriously difficult South African accent:

Probably the most dreadful attempt at a Seff'rican accent was by Joss Ackland playing the role of Minister Arjen Rudd in Lethal Weapon 2 (1989): his gloating line "dip-lo-matic im-munity" has passed into movie history.

A close second was Val Kilmer in The Saint (1997). He assumed the persona of a South African poet in his seduction of Elizabeth Shue but his accent was so bad few realised what nationality he was supposed to be.

Pierce Brosnan also came to grief in Die Another Day (2002) when Bond went undercover as an evil South African diamond dealer trying to con the Koreans - most of the audience thought he was playing an Irishman.

The bloodthirsty getaway driver Steve in Munich (2005), played by Daniel Craig, was also a South African. The best thing one can say about Craig's accent is that it was "steely-eyed".

Aussie actor Richard Roxburgh created unintentional laughs with his SA accent in Mission Impossible 2 (2000) when even American audiences thought meanie Hugo Stamp spoke "funny".

Women have also come to grief playing home girls, most notably Nicole Kidman as Silvia Broom in The Interpreter (2005): as an Australian you'd think she might have got it right but reviews ranged from "cute" to "appalling".

The legendary TV series Twin Peaks (1990) featured a South African femme fatale known only as "Jones" played by Brenda 'Desperate Housewives' Strong. Most viewers thought she was Russian.

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Rhodesian-born Danny Archer in Blood Diamond (2006). Though he was panned, it is largely thanks to Leo that English South African has made its way onto the list of "The Sexiest English Accents in the World". - Aubrey Paton