15 of the weirdest ads on Gumtree

From the hilarious to the just plain creepy, here are some of the most bizarre things we’ve found advertised on the internet

1. Emu for sale: “I have an emu for sale or to swap for female”.

Er,female what?

2. Unwanted tarantulas.

3. “Breast pump only been used once. Has everything and extra.”

Come on, it’s only been attached to a stranger’s nipple ONCE.

4. “Looking for girl named Andy who was wearing a grey rhinoceros onesie at AfrikaBurn 2015. Nothing romantic, just want to see how you are.”

Sure. I mean, who can resist a rhinoceros onesie?

5. “Male emu looking for a living home. Collect yourself and you can have him for free.”

Another emu ad from a different seller. What’s with all the emus? And why does nobody want them?

6. “Join the secret society, the new world order for more information. MONEYPOWERFAME, to become one of our members contact agent.”

Hmm… So secret you tell everyone about it with a free ad.

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7. “Looking for devious pets with quirky stories.”

Yes, domestic animals always surf the internet when their owners are away.

8. “Girballs free to good home.”

Intriguing. Until you realise it’s gerbils they’re selling, not girballs.

9. “Were you the brunette with the striped top at Cradlestone Mall on the morning of Old Year’s Day???? Yes! The one I was given so many opportunities to talk to and didn’t use them!!! Escalators, Spur, Checkers, parking ticket machine… Please give me a last chance. I promise to use it this time :-!”

Yes. Use multiple question and exclamation marks and end off with an emoticon. That’ll get her going.

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10. “50 Shades waiting for you! Want to really experience it? All ladies welcome.”

Wow. How hot is this?

11. “European female wanted to share flat with European businessman. Rent free. Terms to be discussed.”

Another Christian Grey wannabe. Rent free? More like R500 a boob.

12. “8 month old goat.”

To swap for an emu?

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13. “Justin Bieber merchandise. Everything must go!”

Does this mean the Bieber Fever has finally lifted?

14. “Free photo frame. This was used to keep a treasured memory but the relationship is dead and so are my dreams. First person to claim this can have it.”

Accompanied by a picture of the frame. The photograph in it has been torn in two and the remaining half shows a smiling man holding a rose between his teeth. All a bit sad really.

15. “Air guitar (Les Paul style, best I have ever played, road worn but plays like new). Sadly, I am selling my air guitar. Second owner, this guitar is the shizzle, it is a Les Paul style and comes with a strap. No case unfortunately. I got this guitar bundled with a Guns N’ Roses CD I bought at Cash Convertors.

It has played many South African festivals, living rooms, dance floors and even a few pavements. It has a few nicks from many adventures on the road but has never let me or the audience down.

Got many compliments on the finishing and I can tell you this will give you more confidence than the average person can handle. Be careful, with great air guitar comes great responsibility.

The guitar is well suited for the likes of Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, Dragonforce, Rage etc. but it really shines when you start playing the blues. If you feel like channelling the greats this is the guitar for you, whether you wanna play the likes of Dan Patlansky, Hendrix, SRV or jam with The King you won't be disappointed.

Stand and case not included. Easy to travel with.

Negotiable to reasonable offers, free shipping in South Africa.

PS: Works well with or without alcohol.

Warning: Under no circumstances should this guitar be used to try and play John Mayer songs (it will most likely self-destruct).”

Best. Ad. Ever.