Comedian Carvin Goldstone's hilarious bid to be SA's next President

Funnyman Carvin Goldstone will making his official debut at Cape Town's Baxter Theatre Concert Hall with his hilarious one-man comedy show Coloured President on August 25 and 26.

It's about time. He's taken his bid for the presidency to Zimbabwe and Swaziland across the seas to New Zealand and Australia and on the sea when he spent two months "electioneering" on the MSC Sinfonia's 700-seater San Carlo Theatre.

We chatted to him about his bid for laughs.

Who is going to vote for you?

Everyone. I'm going to explain how I am the embodiment of every South African and that my name appeals to all South Africans. I'm black, coloured, Indian and a few other things with a Jewish last name. I am South Africa.

Five election promises?

1. No work on Mondays. Because no boss believes your excuses for ducking Monday work anyway. So no more lies.

2. Phone-charging stations everywhere.

3. Every employer has to supply live art during lunch.

4. Every citizen will get government-issue takkies.

5. All big numbers will be written out in words.

What jobs will you give the following politicians...

Helen Zille?

Minister of Dance. Zille on the campaign trail was way more affable than Zille explaining why colonialism is not all bad. Her willingness to get down is just the sort of dedication I need in my government.

Des van Rooyen? 

Minister of the Weekend Affairs. There's no one who understands how quickly the weekend can end better than Van Rooyen. He will do a great job encouraging people to make the weekend count.

Floyd Shivambu?

Minister of the Echo. Floyd is invaluable in helping us understand that being loyal to the main guy is a lost art.

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• This article was originally published in The Times.