Shhhh! Don't tell anyone, but single men secretly love Valentine's Day

A large chunk of men are harbouring a secret. A sticky gooey secret stuck to the underside of their ribs. One that, come February 14, will be buried underneath a pile of salty memes and denials. The truth is that men love Valentine’s Day.

Despite popular stereotypes, women are not the only ones who find themselves awake at night eagerly pondering how to get those fairy lights looking just right or how many rose petals it takes to make a bath tub look romantic. Nor are they alone in agonising about which outfit will make them look like a thirst trap.

Men love this cheesy ponzi scheme of a day just as much as women do; we’ve just convinced ourselves that we need to hide it in part because we’re embarrassed. It is a well known fact that male bravado is simply a cover for the fact that our egos are desperately fragile. Like a child showing their parent the ugly clay “ashtray” we made at school, we are hoping you will lie to us and say our efforts are “lovely”.

The difference is that unlike that child we will always have that nagging sense of doubt. What if she didn’t like the homemade chocolate torte that you baked in the shape of a heart? Maybe he was just pretending to like that Kenny G playlist you spent 2 hours curating? The prospect of having all those questions swirling in your brain as you watch Idols is not worth the admin. It is much easier to pretend to hate Valentine’s Day and enjoy Somizi in peace.

The other problem is that modern relationships are tricky. No one wants to go through all the trouble of getting a Chinese lantern inscribed with sweet nothings custom made, only for some other guy to swoop in and spend half of his salary taking her to a fancy restaurant instead.

Reciprocation is also thorny issue. Contrary to popular belief, consensual access to the gold mine between someone’s thighs is not sufficient reward for putting on a resplendent night. One can put in a third of the effort and still get sex on February 19.

When making an effort for someone, people tend to want that person to put in a similar level of work in return. In other words, this has got to be a team effort, and women can sometimes be lax in the Valentine’s gift department.

The disappointment of getting a P.S bar and a badly improvised lap dance after you’ve paid your cousin to sing Beyoncé’s Dangerously in Love while you eat dinner is not an exciting prospect.

Most of all though, we’re just scared and bitter about being single. But, deep down inside, Valentine’s Day is our favourite day of the year.

• This article was originally published on SowetanLIVE; visit the SMag section for more great lifestyle reads.