Human beings are quite stupid when it comes to recognising intelligence

At Earth's next high-school reunion for all living things, every carbon-based life form in attendance is likely to turn green with envy when Homo sapiens is acknowledged as the most successful species on the planet. (The ones that are already green will expel an oxygenated sigh of relief, knowing that their envy is less palpable.) But are we as successful as we think we are? And by what measure?

We are not the most numerous, nor are we the most adaptable. Our ape-like bodies are not the strongest, fastest or even the coolest.

But our giant primate brains make iPhones, send Teslas into space and sell sniffable panties in vending machines. They're the brains that built Mapungubwe, created aqueducts and sculpted terracotta armies back when sending a text message required a chisel. Thanks to our big old brains and a pair of opposable thumbs, we have become the masters of Midgard.

Mind you, they are also the brains melting polar ice caps, which will drown a whole bunch of our cities. They are the brains filming their owners eating detergent on the internet for fun and murdering each other over religious arguments whose veracity will only be proven once said brains have perished.

There is another problem. As a species we have loaded the dice and come to view intelligence through a distinctly human lens. Chimps, for instance, are deemed intelligent because they can almost play video games. Dolphins are smart because of the ways in which their behaviour resembles human behaviour.

Even among ourselves, intelligence seems to be measured by very narrow criteria. If someone speaks English slowly or with an accent, our estimation of their intelligence drops regardless of whether or not that is their native tongue. If someone espouses racist views or even just views we strongly disagree with, most immediately assume they're simply too stupid or uneducated to have the "right" viewpoint. When someone bumps into your car they're an "idiot" and cultures that didn't historically spend enough of their brain power on massive structures and murder toys are thought of as primitive.

Intelligence, however, seems to be relative.

During their conflicts with the Mexicans and Americans, the Apache people were famed for being able to seemingly disappear in a puff of smoke. That takes a certain type of intelligence - one that didn't exist among the Europeans who were busy killing them. The same thing can be said of the San and Khoi peoples and their tracking ability.

The hyper "civilised" (read: intelligent) Chinese and Arab societies of the 12th century were destroyed by a bunch of barbarians (read: unintelligent) on horseback who would go on to forge the largest contiguous empire to date. The famously advanced Romans couldn't pause their murderous imperial reality show long enough to stop Goths in ursine couture wrecking the western half of their empire.

Similarly, it is entirely likely that humans would make incredibly stupid bears, and score very badly on octopus IQ tests. When we started knocking down their houses to build KFCs, sky rats - aka pigeons - turned humans into their blessers. In exchange for the plague, we give them chicken and a place to stay. That seems like a pretty smart move to me.

Perhaps, then, it's best not to start writing that acceptance speech just yet, because if we are not as smart as we think we are, then maybe we're not as successful as we think we are either.