Cheat Sheet

Why the Tiger Brands CEO is still munching on Enterprise viennas

In case you're not sure whether you should throw out your processed meats, here's a cheat sheet on the brave CEO from Tiger Brands who continues to eat Enterprise products

13 March 2018 - 12:47 By Paula Stephanie Andropoulos and Thango Ntwsa
Tiger Brands CEO Lawrence MacDougall.
Tiger Brands CEO Lawrence MacDougall.
Image: File photo.

Name:

Lawrence MacDougall 

Appearance:

Frumpy and, as of late, frequently flustered.

Job description:

CEO of Tiger Brands

Why do we care?

Because, listeriosis.

What does the CEO of Tiger Brands have to do with listeriosis?

He refuses to take responsibility for Tiger Brands’ role in the outbreak.

What are people saying about Tiger Brands?

Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi announced that the listeriosis outbreak has been traced to an Enterprise manufacturing facility in Polokwane; and since Enterprise is a division of Tiger Brands, the company is in hot water.

But why should we care about MacDougall?

Because he insists that Tiger Brands isn’t responsible for the epidemic, in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

What’s his line of argument?

He claims that he was just fine after eating a few viennas and some sausages, which were Enterprise products.

Well, what does the evidence suggest?

On the one hand, tests conducted by Enterprise’s in-house laboratory came back negative for listeriosis. But we’re inclined to vest more faith in the results of independent testing – or at least withhold judgment until we’ve tried the MacDougall method and sampled some sausages ourselves.

I’m scared. What should I do?

For the time being, avoid members of the ham family. And the chicken family. Hold off on the fast food. Maybe fast for a while.

What should he do?

Steel himself for a class-action lawsuit.

Do I need to boycott Tiger Brands?

Tiger Brands is actually the parent company of a lot of everyday essentials that you probably take for granted: Albany Bread, Tastic, All Gold, Jungle Oats … even Purity baby food.

Where can I find out more about listeriosis?

Click on this link and, whatever you do, stay away from hyperbolic, paranoid WhatsApp groups.



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