I have a secret life, just like you!

You often hear people say "He's been living a double life" after someone's secret is exposed publicly. For instance, these words are uttered in hushed tones when it turns out that Jeremy from Sales has a wife and three children in Port Elizabeth where the company has been flying him for the previous 18 years.

But few things surprise me less than such revelations, because I believe that everyone leads a double life in one form or another.

To be more specific, I believe that we all straddle more than one world at any given moment. Very often it is something as innocuous as someone being the head of finance at work while simultaneously being lead guitar in an amateur, garage-based Afro-Punk band called the Schizo Freaks.

While quite comfortable with both roles, the individual in question is not likely to adorn his office wall with a photograph of himself in atomic tangerine leather pants and matching bandana. This is usually referred to as "keeping my private life private", an essential aspect of the elusive Holy Grail called "work/life balance".

We all exist within more than one paradigm. For instance, I wonder how many people are aware that, during his student days, Pope Francis wore a vest and stood outside a Buenos Aries pub, throwing out drunkards who'd had one too many.

And I bet most people think Sir Isaac Newton was nothing more than a nerd who confined himself to the laws of physics and whatnot. But what if I told you he also applied his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" law to criminals in his spare time?

Newton had the 17th-century version of a Clark Kent/Superman alter ego. Well, minus the gonad-hugging WWE Raw outfit. While busy with academic research at Cambridge, Sir Ike was appointed the exchequer's Warden of the Mint.

From 1696 to 1699 his primary job in this role was to play Sherlock Holmes on counterfeiters and other heist kingpins. I cannot imagine that he eagerly talked about foiling cash-in-horse-carriage-heists during his convocation processions.

In an episode of my all-time favourite US sitcom, Seinfeld, George Costanza meticulously straddles two parallel universes. On the one hand, he's a happily engaged, responsible fiancé. On the other, he's a carefree, single bloke. This is until his friend Jerry inadvertently creates a situation where the two worlds are in danger of colliding.

In a hilarious rant, George yells, "You're killing Independent George, Jerry! My worlds are colliding!"

Anyone on a social media platform surely appreciates the existence of these dualities. I know a trio of medical doctor friends who are all crazy riots on Facebook - a highly opinionated, funny-as-hell lot who, as far as their followers are concerned, must be entertaining to hang out with in the flesh.

Nothing could be further from the truth. One of the fellows is the meekest geek individual, borderline mute in person. I cannot imagine how he's able to instruct his patients to remove their undergarments without keeling over and dying of awkwardness.

All of us can identify worlds we exist in that we do not like to see merging. When I was in the corporate world I once ran into a colleague from the Planning Department at the Pavilion Mall. I'd been working with her for five years. I can honestly testify to the fact that, outside of the cubicle universe at work, she did not recognise me.

A former classmate of five years at Inkamana High did not go straight to university. He did a one-year post-matric stint at Michaelhouse first. When I ran into him on campus two years later, walking with his Michaelhouse mates, he exhibited no recognition whatsoever. I shrugged and moved on with my life.

Besides, in a previous life I used to wear three-quarter-length black corduroy pants, white towel socks and a leather jacket with 27 zippers, and sported a greasy, Afro perm in my world as a Michael Jackson impersonator. In another world, my folks had given me the Christian name Humphrey. It is a world I wish I could keep locked away in a safe until I die.

So you can imagine my horror as a grown-ass man, walking with my wife and kids, when I heard a voice going, "Humphrey, is that you? Can you still moonwalk? Hee hee! Ooh!"