What does Valentine's Day smell like? Divorce papers, bacon & fart it seems

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and maybe you need to break away from celebrating it the usual way with red roses, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, teddy bears, a signed balloon … blah, blah, blah.

Whether you have a new love or you are broke, change things up a little this year by concentrating on the sense of smell with the scented candles we have selected.

BACON AND BEYOND

Valentine’s Day comes at an inopportune time. Most South Africans are broke by the time the 14th of any month rolls around, let alone the one right after Januworry. You might be thinking about a home-cooked romantic dinner to save money, but if you can’t cook, or have an empty fridge, don’t sweat. Simply light a candle from The Stinky Candle Company, which come in an array of foodie aromas including bacon, ramen, onion and garlic, and you'll have your house smelling like Jamie Oliver’s in no time.

If that doesn’t take your fancy, you can save on buying a bottle with a wine-scented candle. You can even sell it to your Valentine as hangover prevention for a date on a work day evening.

The Stinky Candle Company candles are available from wantitall.co.za.

WEED

We all know someone whose true Valentine is Mary Jane. Perhaps your partner? Or you, for that matter. So, why not gift the smell of marijuana to one who lives by the lyrics of Afroman’s Because I got High?

Kushed Candles makes their candles out of actual cannabis leaves – don’t count on them making you high, though.

MONEY

Do you want to live the high life and burn money like rappers in music videos? But, alas, you are not a millionaire musician, so it’s a dream never to be realised, right? Wrong!

The Stinky Candle Company will turn your fantasies into reality with their money candle. For under R200, you can walk into Sumo Night Club, request a VIP booth, light a match, do the sha-sha and watch as you become a Joburg kingpin with a puff of smoke.

Disclaimer: Do not quote this article should you be liable for any costs at the club.

FART

Not everyone looks forward to Valentine’s Day. Heartbreak can be devastating and the day can induce tears. But instead of intercepting Cupid’s arrows and breaking them in rage, why not have a little fun by taking that long-awaited revenge on your ex?

Enter the fart-scented candle. Buy the candle. Switch the label to one declaring a pleasant scent like “vanilla” or “lavender”. Send the anonymous package to that deserving ex with a flirty, secret-admirer message. You won’t be there to enjoy the scene unfolding but the merely imagining it will be cathartic.

There are many options to choose from on the net, such as the Original Man Fart candle and Grandma’s Fart Candle.

DIVORCE PAPERS

How do you capture the smell of divorce? How does regret smell? What about loathing? Well, the people at Flick Candles have distilled in and put it in the Freshly Signed Divorce Papers scented candle. They describe the complex fragrance as “part happy, part sad, a little relieved and unsure of your future financial stability”.

Here’s to a new beginning. Happy Valentine’s Day!