I don't ever want that title of 'first black ballerina', says Kitty Phetla

Kitty Phetla walks gingerly into the dance studio like a woman taking her first steps in a brand-new pair of six-inch heels - even though she is wearing flat slippers. The 36-year-old ballerina has just finished a long and intense rehearsal ahead of Snow White, the Joburg Ballet company's rendition of the classical ballet that will be on for five dazzling performances at Montecasino in Johannesburg.

Despite Phetla's perfect posture, flawless skin and glowing smile, each step tells of a gruelling day. She finds rehearsals harder than live performances, she says, not just because they last longer (she has been dancing on pointe shoes for the past eight hours) but because they bring out all her insecurities.

"Many find being on stage a challenge," she says. "For me that's where the challenges just go away. I find it comforting to be on stage. The stress is before, in the studio. I panic, I get flustered. Studio run-throughs are very difficult for me."

Apart from the body issues and self-consciousness she shares with almost all ballerinas, Phetla - senior soloist at Joburg Ballet - has to deal with the additional pressure placed on those who dance the biggest roles. She plays the queen in Snow White, a part that is physically and emotionally arduous.

The stage, however, is her natural home and on opening night she will leave her nerves in the rehearsal studio - otherwise she won't give her best performance.

"When we're doing costume runs and you're a lead, it's quite a stressful scenario," she says. "But on stage, if I'm nervous it's not going to be a good performance; it's going to be a disaster. If I'm nervous I can't hear the music, I forget things. I blank out."

When asked to name a performance that was executed perfectly in every way, she says such a performance does not exist.

"I've never had that feeling," she says.

"I'm quite envious of people who have it, whether it's a musician or a dancer or a lawyer who can come out of a deposition and say, 'I kicked some butt in there.'

"I've never felt that, ever. After a performance I always feel that it wasn't so great. I have immense respect for the art form, not just ballet but dance in general. It's just something I've never truly conquered."

Phetla says she is not one of those dancers whose performance is heightened by nerves; she knows only too well how anxiety hinders her. On one occasion she will never forget, she completely froze.

"It was the first production I was doing with the South African company, it was pure classical and I was terrified. I was backstage in the wings and I couldn't understand the feeling, I just remember being one big mess. I remember absolute silence. I didn't hear the music at all."

The surprising thing about this was that though Phetla at the time was more accustomed to appearing in contemporary dance productions than in classical ballet in SA, she had just returned from a blazingly successful stint as a ballerina abroad.

She made history in 2012 by becoming the first black ballerina to perform The Dying Swan in Russia, a country where ballet is almost a religion. The four-minute solo dance embodies the final moments in the life of the swan and is traditionally performed by a ballerina in a white tutu. Phetla made the dance her own and wore a black tutu.

At the start of her career, Phetla was a black dancer in a predominantly white world. She was often described in reviews as "one of only a handful of black dancers". But she says she did not experience any stigma as a dancer back then.

Only later, when ballet became more accessible to all, did she feel that focus was unfairly put on her race. She believes that pointing out her blackness takes away from the work she's put in over the past 27 years.

"I don't put emphasis on the fact that I'm a black ballerina," she says. "I'm just a ballet dancer. I don't ever want that title of 'first black ballerina' because it's so dishonest. We don't have the fact that I'm the first. The only fact we have is that I'm the first black ballet dancer to perform The Dying Swan in Russia."

She is also impassioned about taking ballet to the people, about giving people of colour access to all art forms previously regarded as "Western".

"We have come a long way in the industry," she says. "Ballet is not stigmatised as Westernised any more. Ballet is for South Africans, ballet is for Africans, ballet is for the world."

As youngsters, Phetla and her fellow dancers were "just kids trying something new", she says. They weren't trying to be trailblazers or pioneers when Martin Schönberg discovered them.

Phetla was nine when the choreographer, who started Ballet Theatre Afrikan and gave a legion of young performers their big break, visited Orange Grove Primary School in Johannesburg and spotted her talent. Phetla chose ballet over karate as an extracurricular activity and it has been her life
for 27 years.

Phetla is still close to Schönberg, who played such a formative part in her life and the lives of many other dancers.

"I still have a very good relationship with Martin," she says. "When times get tough I phone him for emotional support. It's important for me to keep that relationship. He was not just my mentor, boss and teacher - he's like a good parent.

It has been his mission to transform the lives of kids in the black and coloured communities. He made a huge difference to so many - he's produced a lot of dancers locally and internationally. I have so much respect for him."

The support and tutelage she received from Schönberg have made Phetla want to mentor young dancers, but she says the time needs to be right because it must be done properly.

"The people that I call mentors are people that have found me and there was an instant connection," she says. "I think that's how a successful mentor-mentee relationship works. It's a very spiritual thing as well. I want to do it so badly but I also have fears about being a mentor to someone. I hope I can get to that space where I can trust myself enough to be someone's mentor. It's something I hope to do with integrity and honesty some day."

That kind of intense mentoring may have to wait until she has more time available. In addition to being a professional dancer and ballet teacher, Phetla also sidelines as a radio presenter and public speaker. She has a particular love for radio: her eyes light up when she speaks about her five years on Alex FM, followed by six years of hosting her own show on Radio 2000.

"Radio is a beautiful medium that makes my heart smile," she says. "Sometimes dancing doesn't make sense to me as a profession but radio always does. One would think that they run parallel to each other as art forms but the two are so different. Holistically, I am both a ballet dancer and a radio presenter - radio is what completes me."

As much as she appreciates her career, Phetla says people often have the wrong impression of professional artists and the relationship they have with their craft.

"A lot of times people say: 'Isn't it amazing that you do what you love?' Well, I don't actually love what I do, I just love the kind of respect I have for it. I'm not passionate about it; I'm passionate about other things. With dance, for me it's about mastering the craft every day. I think that's why I quit every day, because every day I feel like I haven't quite mastered it."

This constant striving is more important to her than the much-used word, "passion".

"It's that pursuit of trying to master it, the pursuit of crafting every day. I think as a person in any career, you have to understand the politics and the dynamics of your career - being too passionate about it can cloud everything."

In her limited leisure time Phetla likes to listen to jazz, collect vinyl records, hit a few golf balls at the driving range and, most important, visit her family.

"Family is very dear to me. I've learnt the hard way, from loss, that it's family first every time."

• Snow White: The Ballet runs at Montecasino Teatro in Johannesburg from May 30 to June 2

A FEW CAREER HIGHLIGHTS

• Performed for Nelson Mandela.

• Performed for the royal family of the Netherlands in Amsterdam.

• Participated in the prestigious Prix de Lausanne international dance competition in Lausanne, Switzerland.

• Choreographed a full-length ballet to the music of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana; in 2016 she presented this in China, with dancers from Joburg Ballet and the Liaoning Ballet of China, to an audience of dignitaries including China's president.

• Choreographed The After Effect for the Dance Umbrella festival in SA; the work explored schizophrenia.

• Named a South African icon in the third instalment of short-film series 21 Icons.

• Performed with three other members of Joburg Ballet at the South African national day celebrations in Hong Kong this year.

• Standard Bank Youth Award winner for 2019.