So now we have to stop clapping in theatres & use jazz hands instead

Some people are traumatised by the noise, apparently. But really, if we're banning clapping, why stop there?

17 November 2019 - 00:00 By

Once on a ship I met an elderly woman who was married to an American submarine commander. I met him too, but she was the more interesting party, because she only had one hand.

Every time I asked she would gravely explain what happened: it was an incident with a combine harvester on the small Kansas farm where she grew up; it was an unfortunate incident involving petting the jaguar at the Brooklyn Zoo; her hand was severed in a lightsabre fight with a man who subsequently turned out to be her father; she was arrested and handcuffed to a lamppost and "I pulled and pulled. Something had to give. I hoped it would be the lamppost."..

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