Humour

Four ways to amuse yourself once SA's gone into lockdown

Being stuck at home doesn't have to mean resigning yourself to a life of boredom — if you try these suggestions

22 March 2020 - 00:00 By
If you plan on being a couch potato while self-isolating, Netflix and Showmax have some great new series.
If you plan on being a couch potato while self-isolating, Netflix and Showmax have some great new series.
Image: 123RF/Allan Swart

Well it's official. All forms of fun in public have been cancelled thanks to the latest viral sensation, Covid-19.

This means that for the foreseeable future we're going to have to find ways to amuse ourselves in the privacy of our own homes and, as any 10-year-old on school holidays will tell you, that's much harder than it sounds.

But being stuck at home doesn't mean resigning yourself to a life of boredom .... if you try these suggestions: 

A SPOT OF GARDENING

Not so long ago the powers that be decreed that Joe Public would be allowed to cultivate and smoke a bit of the Devil's Lettuce, AKA dagga, at home. Under normal circumstances the idea of tilling your back yard would be enough to set off most people's manual labour allergies, but acquiring a couple of calluses in the service of growing a stress-relieving crop may be just the kind of distraction you need from the stress of having a house full of bored children who can't visit their friends.

GO IN SEARCH OF LA PETITE MORT

The last of our annual sex surveys revealed some rather underwhelming news. It
turns out that South Africans are as adventurous and creative in bed as an elderly accountant hopped up on too much sugar.

Usually we can fall back on the trusty excuse of being too busy with activities in the outside world to pay too much attention to matters of the boudoir, but good old Covid-19 has solved that problem for us. Now, burdened with mountains of free time, you finally have the chance to try a few of those things you saw on that video that one time. So do some stretches, fire up the old imagination station and summon the beast with two backs.

NETFLIX AND THRILL

I have a sneaking suspicion that the good folks at Netflix knew that the coronavirus was about to go on a world tour and stacked their content line-up accordingly.

If you want to watch something topical, binge the docuseries Pandemic: How to Prevent an Outbreak or watch the episode on pandemics in the docuseries Explained.

If crying about the depths of human depravity is more your vibe, The Trials of Gabriel Fernandez will break your heart.

A bit of escapism is always fun, though, and local series Queen Sono has been trending near the top of the service's most-watched shows. It's a great option.

Netflix does not have the monopoly on good shows, though. The new season of Westworld is about to hit Showmax and YouTube is set to be full of quippy Daily Show clips to keep you abreast of Covid-19's latest travel plans.

PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS

Remember those small people who entered your life a few years ago and have since been draining your bank account? Normally they'd be busy ignoring you in favour of Tik Tok or homework. Now is your chance to reconnect with them. Show them that stick game that you keep saying was all the entertainment you needed when you were their age, ask them to teach you what a "woah" is and basically get them to like you.

Think of this as investing in your future because one day they will have to decide whether or not to send you to that nursing home. Their fondness for you may just save you from living out your twilight years in a musty facility eating questionable jelly.