Humour

Covid-19 is teaching us that we ain't as smart as we think

Never before have so many social media users called each other morons and imbeciles as they have in the wake of this pandemic

19 April 2020 - 00:01 By and ndumiso ngcobo
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Image: Aardwolf

"May you live in interesting times." So goes the English saying apocryphally ascribed to the Chinese. And, oh boy, are we living in interesting times or what! Until the past few days, I'd never thought I'd fantasise about the "normality" of performing the heroic feat of driving on the M1 between Smit and Rissik Street without dying. I've even found myself longing to be blocked by a taxi with a burly driver screaming expletives at me.

Forcibly removed from their daily routines, the chattering classes have immersed themselves in social media with a previously unheard-of fervour. Twitter, Facebook and WhatsApp, in particular, have morphed into a global online Debating Olympics instead of the customary whining about the price of avocados at Woolies. In the decade and a bit I've been participating, I have not experienced such feverish number crunching, graphs and trend analysis.

Until about three weeks ago, I wasn't aware that BA graduates in sociology harboured such incisive and in-depth knowledge of epidemiology and virology. The pipe-smoking former resident of Mahlamba Ndlopfu must be ecstatic at the upsurge in interest at his favourite hobby.

I have observed a fascinating by-product of this wonderful orgy of intellectual engagement. It stems from the unusually high volume of conspiracy theories and fake news relating to 5G technology, Chinese government attempts to take over the world, Bill Gates in cahoots with Trevor Noah about a New World Order and all manner of bat-crazy ideas.

Not to be left behind, I heard that the Reverend Kenneth Meshoe was quoted saying the Chinese Covid-19 test kits are contaminated with the virus itself in the wake of his positive test. As a result, I don't think I have ever observed as many social media users calling each other morons, imbeciles, retards, cretins and other terms of endearment for intellectual limitation as I have witnessed in the past fortnight.

In the midst of this name-calling festival someone punctuated a point they were making by quoting me in one of my previous columns. Apparently, I once wrote: "Human intelligence is nothing more than a vicious, unsubstantiated rumour." That certainly sounds like something I'd write.

One thing I most certainly remember writing is that human beings are mostly blind to their own stupidity. Being aware of all this, it is therefore baffling that I am constantly guilty of calling out others' stupidity. I am just as idiotic as everyone else about one thing or another.

One thing I most certainly remember writing is that human beings are mostly blind to their own stupidity

I am reminded of one of my favourite legends involving the erstwhile emperor of Rome, Marcus Aurelius. The legend goes that he employed a servant whose sole purpose was to wait until someone bowed down to him or showered him with praise. The servant would then whisper in his ear: "You're only a man. Only a man."

I cannot afford a servant to remind me daily that I'm a halfwit but I need the reminders. This is why I grabbed pad and pencil and compiled a list of examples of how much of a nitwit I am.

My inner Aurelius servant reminded me that in my 48 years of life, I still have not managed to spell some common words. You can't go around calling people stupid when you can't spell "rhythm", "renaissance" or "bourgeois" without the help of Spellchecker. And when I try to spell "Libya" freehand, I always almost spell a female anatomical part.

Comrade Brother Leader would be unimpressed. My inner Aurelius servant also reminded me that my knowledge of the geography of my own continent is on life support at Tembisa Hospital. Until recently, I would have bet the children's education fund that Cameroon is officially a West African nation.

With this column I challenge you, dear reader, to participate in this challenge to remind yourself of your own blind spots and why you need to stop taking your strong opinions so seriously. Let's call it the #AureliusServant Challenge.

After my own exercise I found myself in the middle of yet another heated debate about the appropriateness of shutting down liquor outlets to combat the spread of the coronavirus. This is when my inner Aurelius servant whispered to me: "No one should take seriously the opinions of a man who spills ice cubes from the ice dispenser and then kicks them under the fridge."

I immediately logged off, retired to my lounge to sip on some homemade pineapple wine like a true South African drunk.


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